Seasons
by SLynn
Summary: Nathan struggles to find his place during their first year in Maine. Post-‘Revelations’. Part of my 'Apocalypse' arc. AU after 1X11. Complete!
1. Late Winter

**Seasons by SLynn  
****Rating: **PG-13 by default  
**Fandom:** Heroes  
**Season: **One/AU after Fallout  
**Characters/Ships:** Nathan, Peter/Claire  
**Disclaimer: **Not mine. Well, not all mine.

**Notes:** I honestly have no idea where this came from. It wasn't in my first, second, third or fourth drafts. It just happened.

**Summary: **Nathan struggles to find his place during their first year in Maine. Post-'Revelations'.

* * *

"_Sometimes our fate resembles a fruit tree in winter. Who would think that those branches would turn green again and blossom, but we hope it, we know it."  
__Johann Wolfgang von Goethe_

_**Late Winter**_

"Looks like spring."

Lauren looked up from her cup of coffee and out the window. The backyard was covered in slight patches of snow and the sky was a perfect, cloudless blue.

"I guess," she returned as Nathan sat down across from her.

Nathan watched her for a moment longer, the quiet of the morning finally getting to him. All of their mornings were so quiet now; all of their days as well. It was almost too drastic a change.

"But it might be too early," Nathan continued on his own train of thought. "It's been awhile since I've seen the seasons change. It could just be a lull."

Lauren either wasn't listening or had no reply to give.

"It's strange, isn't it?" he asked, waiting for an answer he knew wouldn't come. "Living like this. In a real house in the middle of nowhere. Waiting on the weather to change."

"The hotel wasn't bad," she added mildly.

"But still," he said, eagerly catching hold of her response. "It was just a hotel. These houses, they could be homes again."

"It beat the subway," Lauren said quietly, stirring her coffee and refusing to meet his eyes.

"You're not happy here," Nathan stated factually after a moment's pause. They'd been here for at least a month and besides himself, Lauren was the only one who didn't appear to be taking to the place.

"I'm…" she began, trailing off with half a smile and a shrug. "I'm happy we're safe."

"But?" he prodded, leaning forward and studying her face.

"But," she went on, finally looking his way, "I thought we'd stay in Boston."

Nathan sat back in surprise.

"You wanted to stay?"

"I know," she said, shaking her head and going quickly to the sink to wash her cup. "It's not… It was never reasonable. If anyone is still looking, they'd be looking there but after the Republic and the Order, I guess I was just looking forward to something familiar again."

Nathan turned in his chair to get a better look at her, and it struck him how young she really was; how young she had to have been when it had begun.

"You've never been away from home before," he said.

Lauren screwed up her face at him.

"It's natural enough," Nathan continued, oblivious to her irritation over the remark. "You're homesick."

"I'm not a child," she said firmly.

"I'm not…" he started to say, finally realizing how this all sounded to her, but it was too late. She was already heading for the door.

"It's fine," she said briskly, leaving without looking back.

Nathan sighed, still shaking his head over it as Peter walked into the kitchen.

"Morning, Pete," Nathan said.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Nathan returned easily, not at all surprised at how easily he'd been read. "I'm just making friends and influencing people, as usual."

Peter looked at his brother for a moment before smiling.

"Lauren?"

"How'd you know?" Nathan asked back at him.

"I passed her on the stairs."

"Yes, well, I think I offended her."

"I'm sure it's nothing," Peter said, joining him at the table. "She's just a bit…"

Peter trailed off with a shrug. He was never quite sure what Lauren was.

"She's unhappy," Nathan returned. "And I just made her even unhappier. That's what I'm best at. It's what I do."

"We're all still adjusting," Peter said, trying his best to smooth things over.

Nathan nodded solemnly, but couldn't completely agree. They were not all still adjusting. Most everyone had done that already. It was only a few of them, a very few, that seemed to have a problem with their surroundings.

"How's Claire?" Nathan asked.

"Better," Peter said after a pause. "She seems better today. I wish there was more I could do for her."

"She misses Parkman," Nathan returned. "There's nothing you can do."

"You know," Peter said, clearly hesitant, "it might help if you tried to talk to her."

"She doesn't want to talk to me," Nathan immediately dismissed.

"You don't know that."

"I can't take his place," Nathan said resolutely, getting to his feet to leave. "She wouldn't want me to and I'm not up to the attempt. That I do know. You need to realize it, too."

They'd found this place way out in the middle of nowhere, with some help from Anthony and a lot more from Hiro, and it seemed as good as any for a new start. It was comfortable enough, if not strangely deserted. There were four or five homes within half a mile of one another, and ten miles from a similarly empty town where they were able to pick up some initial supplies. The two homes nearest the main were the ones they decided to tackle first; the only ones they needed for now.

Despite the spaciousness of the main house, they all felt crowded. It, being their first shelter, had already been cleaned, but everyone was feeling the need to have their own space again. Three houses would be plenty to start with, once they were made livable. With that, the farmland and small orchard, the two barns and five sheds, there was a lot to do. But because it was winter the only thing they could really concentrate on was the houses, and so they each broke off on their separate details during the day in order to get it done.

It was the unmistakable sounds of Bizet that drew Nathan into the room some weeks into the project. He hadn't expected to find her there, and he hadn't meant to stay, but it was irresistible. Nathan hadn't heard music, hadn't heard beautiful music, in such a long time. It was a melancholy reminder of happier times.

Lauren must have felt the same, staring as she did at the record player perched on the small table beside her in the tiny sitting room. Unaware of the time slipping past, ignoring the scratches and jumps of the faulty record, they listened in complete silence to the first side, lost in thought.

"The second is just as good," Nathan said when it had ended. "Better even."

Lauren looked up sharply, her eyes darting quickly about the room. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and he pretended he hadn't noticed she'd been crying.

"Have you heard it before?" Nathan asked, and without waiting for permission, entered the room and turned the record for her.

"Yes," she said, when she could speak again, nodding along with her own answer. "My mother was always… Yes, I've heard it."

Nathan sat easily in the chair opposite hers.

"It's an awful copy," he said, but with a smile. "Where did you find it?"

"They were in the attic," Lauren answered, pulling a box to rest between them. "I'm supposed to be cleaning it out, but I found them and…"

"Well, the dust isn't going anywhere," Nathan replied, leaning forward and flipping through the collection eagerly.

"I really should be getting back to work," Lauren worried, giving the record player another long glance. "I just… It's not like it won't be here either. It can wait. There's so much to do. I shouldn't be wasting…"

"Tchaikovsky," Nathan interrupted, taking a record from the box. "Now this we have to listen to."

"Is it…" Lauren began to ask, her face momentarily lit up with excitement, before ultimately fading away.

"Do you like classical?"

"Not really," she admitted, "but I thought it might be 'The Nutcracker'."

"Ah," he said, as if that explained it all. "Sorry. It's only concertos. But it might be in here if we take a look."

"No," Lauren said. "It's fine. Like I said, I don't really even like… it's just…"

"Memories," he finished for her.

"Memories," she repeated fondly.

For a moment he thought she was done, but the smile remained on her face.

"I used to dance," she continued. "Ballet. My school put on the Nutcracker every Christmas and I always wanted to be the sugar plum fairy."

Nathan imitated the smile spread wide across her face as Lauren held the memory for a moment in her mind.

"And were you?"

"Oh, no," Lauren laughed. "God, no. I was… I was awful. Two left feet… born without grace. Never got on toe and I barely kept in step half the time. They always put me in with the mice and shuffled me to the back."

Nathan laughed with her, same as he'd smiled.

"I'm sure you were an excellent mouse," he offered. "And dancer."

"No," she said with a steady shake of her head. "I really wasn't. I just didn't have the talent for it, that all went to…"

The smile slid right off her face, replaced with the stoic gaze that he'd grown to associate with her; the timid and reserved qualities he was beginning to learn masked a larger pain.

"I really have to get back to work," she said quietly as she stood and exited the room.

Nathan watched her go before leaning forward and shutting the player off with a snap.

The dinner, the following week, was meant to be a celebration. It was finally moving day as everything was as in place as they could make it considering the weather; the snow really was horrendous. For the most part everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, but it was impossible that distinct groups wouldn't form even though their numbers were so small.

Claire had been doing marginally better. She was still sad, but was making an effort, and just having something useful to do had helped her a lot. Nathan and Claire were still not speaking to one another, and not for a lack of Peter trying. Claire just didn't seem to want to have anything to do with him, and Nathan, having heard enough to know how she felt, didn't seem eager to hear any more. The result being that while Claire's spirits had improved, Nathan's had declined.

"I'm worried about you," Peter said quietly, standing with him at the railing on the back porch well away from the rest of the group.

"Why's that?" Nathan returned indifferently.

"You should be inside," Peter said, not backing down yet.

"And do what? Make small talk? Join the party?"

"Nathan…"

"This is great," Nathan went on, staring off into the night. "It is, Peter. You've done a hell of a job. But I know I'll never really be a part of it."

"Nobody is still angry with you."

"They should be."

"You made a mistake."

Nathan laughed and clapped his brother on the shoulder with a fake smile plastered on his face.

"That's a good one," he said, still grinning. "A mistake."

Peter dropped his head wearily.

"I destroyed millions of lives and you call it a mistake," Nathan continued, sobering up as he spoke. "Bit of an understatement, don't you think?"

"Don't do this. Please, Nathan," Peter practically begged. "I've got enough…"

"What am I supposed to do?" Nathan asked completely serious. "Forget it happened? Forget that this is my fault? Do you think I can do that? Is that who you think I am?"

"Of course not."

Nathan nodded, oddly comforted by the fact.

"There's no forgiveness in this. And I shouldn't forget it," he added to himself. "Ever."

In the days following, Nathan noticed that Lauren, alone with her coffee, was still a regular occurrence. Most mornings, despite the fact that she no longer lived in the main house, and now shared a house across the way with Hiro and Mohinder, Nathan could count on her being the first one in the kitchen. Sitting and staring out into nothing and ignoring most everything and everyone that came her way; usually.

"Do you think the summers will be warm?" she asked one morning as he'd crept into the room.

"I'm not sure," Nathan answered, unsure if she was really asking him or just talking to herself. "I was certainly wrong about the start of spring. I wouldn't even know what to guess."

"I hope they are," Lauren returned. "I'm tired of the snow."

"Well," Nathan shrugged as he took a seat across from her, "we are in Maine."

"So you're saying I should get used to it."

Nathan lifted his eyes, afraid he'd somehow did it again, but was relieved to see a hint of a smile play across her features.

"It's just an idea," he said.

"So what should I do then?" she asked, still playing along. "How does one prepare for a perpetual winter?"

"I don't know what you can do," he said with mock-sincerity, "but I plan on growing a beard."

"A beard?" she asked with a bit of a giggle.

"Yes," Nathan said firmly, as if it was the most logical thing in the world. "We almost live in the mountains among the trees, on a farm with a river and everything that could possible declare itself as outdoorsman-like. A beard seems called for. Besides, there's no point in shaving any more. It's practically pre-ordained."

"You'd look funny with a beard," Lauren said, fighting hard against the laughter that wanted desperately to escape from inside.

"You think so?"

"Yes," she said with a solemn nod.

"I'll take your advice into consideration," Nathan continued, still maintaining his composure, but inwardly thrilled she'd played along so well. "I wouldn't want to look foolish, but can't make any promises. We may run out of razors."

Lauren smiled his way briefly before turning off again into her own world.

Nathan hadn't felt so good in quite a time.

Here and there Nathan found he often ran into Lauren, and those encounters never failed to make him just a little bit happier than he felt he had any right to be. He still wasn't at ease with everyone, was still certain that no one really wanted him there, but Lauren did seem different. She was quiet, which he liked, and when he could prevail upon her to speak, she was often cheeky, which he really liked. Nathan only wished it was as easy to get along with Claire as it was to get along with Lauren.

"Is it just us tonight?" Nathan asked, coming into the living room, surprised to find only Claire.

She only looked up at him reproachfully and returned to her attempt at sewing a stray button back into place.

Nathan paused for a moment, until he was sure that no answer would be forthcoming, before taking up a book and sitting down to an evening of uncomfortable silence.

"I thought you were supposed to use a thimble," Nathan mumbled just loud enough to be heard.

"I don't need a thimble," Claire said briskly, not bothering to lift her eyes this time.

"I didn't realize you were such an expert sewer."

"No," she retorted. "I just have thick skin."

Nathan bit back his reply, something about genetics, and tried to focus strictly on his book, but it was hard to do. Peter had been right, he usually was. Nathan should be trying harder to be there for Claire. It was definitely too little, and extremely late, and they may never be truly friendly, but they should at least be cordial. And they weren't, and it was Nathan's fault. He should put forth more of an effort as he'd been more to blame.

"So," Nathan said as he shut his book, leaning down with elbows to knees, "do you think…"

"I'm not really in the mood to talk," Claire said quickly, shifting her body in the opposite direction, away from him.

"My mistake," he said, leaning back again. "I just thought it might be easier, for all of us, if we could at least appear to be on speaking terms, Claire."

"Peter's not here," she returned. "No one is. We don't need to appear anything right now."

"Fair enough," Nathan said as he picked his book back up, but he was too angry to read.

"Ow!"

Nathan looked up quickly, catching Claire examining her finger almost horrorstruck.

"What?"

"Nothing," she said quickly, curling her fingers into the palm of her hand.

"Are you bleeding?" Nathan asked, getting up and re-depositing himself next to her on the sofa. "You are. Claire, when…what…"

"I don't know," she said plaintively, shaking her head but not pulling away when he took hold of her hand to see for himself. "It's just a scratch… It's not…"

"How long has this been happening?" he asked seriously as he looked at her hand which was amazingly still dripping blood.

"It's nothing," Claire said as she pulled free. "It's not serious."

"Claire, if your power…"

"It's nothing," she snapped, her work falling to the floor as she got quickly to her feet.

"Fine," Nathan said with a nod and a relaxed look on his face. "It's nothing. When Peter gets back we'll all sit down --"

"You're not telling Peter," Claire snapped. "You're not telling anyone."

"Alright," Nathan said evenly, as if he was negotiating with her. "I'll consider that, if you tell me the truth. All of it, Claire."

Claire looked at him, clearly surprised by his tone. Maybe surprised at herself as she sat back down and rolled up the sleeve of her shirt exposing a three inch scratch just healed over.

"I did it yesterday," she said as she pushed the shirt back into place. "Ripped right through the shirt and I bled like… I bled like a normal person. I've felt different since Matt… We'd talked about it, more than once, and I think maybe… maybe I just don't want to do it anymore."

Nathan met her eyes and saw the turmoil behind them. She was frightened. Claire had been nearly immortal for close to six years, and now this.

"It's probably temporary, right?" she asked.

"Probably," he agreed.

"So you won't tell him?"

"I won't," Nathan said with a crisp nod. "But you should. He'd want to know, Claire."

"He's got enough going on right now," Claire said dismissively.

"That's true," Nathan admitted, "but it doesn't mean he wouldn't want to know."

"I'll tell him," Claire said. "Eventually. If I even need to. It's probably just…"

She trailed off, her eyes beginning to tear. Nathan tentatively put a hand on her shoulder in a gesture of support, one she shrugged off completely.

"It's shock," Claire said, getting to her feet again and crossing the room.

"I don't think shock lasts this long, Claire."

"I'm handling it," she said firmly, almost daring him to contradict her.

"If that's what you want."

Claire nodded, but it was hesitant, giving Nathan the impression that she'd expected more resistance. He could imagine, between Peter and Matt, resistance was the norm.

"I'm going to… I'm going to bed," Claire finally finished. "Goodnight, Nathan."

"Goodnight," he returned, watching as she walked quickly out of the room.

Nathan dropped his head back on the sofa and contemplated what to do next. On one hand, Peter should know. If only because he was the de facto leader, he should know. More importantly it was something he'd want to know. Peter would want to help, would want to do something, and that was probably why Claire hadn't said anything to him yet. She wanted this problem to be her own. It was comforting and familiar, how stubborn she was; as if it was something inherited and not learned.

Deciding he wouldn't say anything, a decision Nathan suspected was the wrong one, ending up being easy to do. In reality, there was nothing Peter could do for Claire, even if he did know. And Nathan had never had Claire's confidence, and despite this one not exactly being given freely, he'd take what he could. If he told her secret now, she'd never trust him again. And Nathan really wanted that trust.

The next day as he was heading into the kitchen, Nathan walked in and unintentionally interrupted Mohinder and Lauren, speaking in voices just low enough to be heard. He tried not to eavesdrop, but found himself naturally turning towards the conversation.

"I'm sure it's normal," he was saying. "Every evolution involves an adjustment period."

"How long?" she asked, and Nathan noticed her eyes looked frightened.

"I can't say," Mohinder said with a shrug. "It would depend entirely on what exactly they did to you. How far they pushed your power forward. From what I've seen from others, it was meant to happen naturally, when you're ready… I'm sorry there's nothing I can do for you. Have you talked with Hiro? With Peter? They've both gone through similar adjustments."

"Hiro says I just need to practice but what if I can't --"

Lauren stopped abruptly and blushed as she caught Nathan's eyes with her own. Mohinder followed the movement and nodded at Nathan with a tight smile.

"I'm sorry," Nathan said after a pause. "I was just…"

"Perhaps you can help," Mohinder said quickly.

Nathan was very willing, but Lauren's reaction was enough.

"I don't know much about it, to be honest," Nathan returned. "I was never subjected to what Lauren has been through and nothing about what I do has changed."

"Really?" Mohinder questioned, quite certain Nathan's powers had changed even if he wasn't aware of it.

"It's alright," Lauren said with a shake of her head, eager to escape this conversation. "I was just curious. I don't need help."

"Lauren," Mohinder began, facing her again but interrupted by the loud bang of the front door.

"What if this doesn't work?" Peter could be heard asking from the foyer.

"It should," Micah was saying as he entered the kitchen with a laptop in his hands.

"But if it doesn't?"

"Peter," Micah sighed wearily. "It will. You just have to concentrate and stop freaking out about it."

"What's going on?" Nathan asked, watching as Micah started up the computer and motioned Peter to sit down in front of it.

Mohinder and Nathan both moved to stand behind Peter, as Lauren slid silently out of the room.

"It's that damn list," Peter said, shaking his head and staring at the screen. "I can't get it out of my head."

"That's where you've been keeping the list? In your head?" Mohinder asked, shaken. "Peter, that's… that's…"

"How?" Nathan asked sharply.

"How is the easy part," Micah said dismissively. "Your brain can store infinite amounts of data."

"Let's not worry about how it's in there, let's get it out again," Peter said as he continued to stare at the computer and bite his thumb. "I'm starting to think about people I don't even know and call up information I shouldn't know about people I do."

"Okay," Micah said. "Just concentrate for a minute. You said when it happened you'd wanted to remove it and were touching the machine."

"Yeah," Peter said, shutting his eyes and putting his hands on the keyboard.

"Now," Micah continued, "think about the information. Picture it in your head, picture it as a file, and tell it where to go. Guide it."

For a moment there was nothing. Then the screen flickered a few times and list was there, on the screen before them. Peter opened his eyes and exhaled deeply.

"Goodbye Wisconsin cat-lady."

"What?" Micah asked.

"Nothing," Peter said, shutting his eyes again and rubbing his forehead. "God, that hurt."

"But is it gone?"

"Yeah," Peter answered, opening his eyes once more and staring at the screen. "It's gone. Thanks, Micah."

"So," Mohinder said, staring at the list now himself. "What do we do with it? Should we keep it or…"

"I don't know," Peter said honestly, sitting back and furrowing his brow. "Nathan, what do you think?"

"If we can keep it safe," he said, "it could be useful."

"I can lock this down pretty easily," Micah added. "It'll be safe as long as we are."

"There's a lot of personal information in there," Peter said, almost embarrassed. "Pictures and things. Stuff worth holding on to, but also…"

"Peter," Micah said, drawing his focus back to the list. "Are you sure you got all of it out of your head?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Lauren's not on here," Micah said, scrolling through the main list. "Maybe you missed some…"

"No," Peter said quickly, shutting the laptop. "I didn't. She was never on it. The list wasn't as complete as we'd thought."

Micah and Mohinder both seemed satisfied with the answer, but Nathan knew Peter better than that. Peter had never been as good of a liar as he was.

"Micah," Peter continued, turning to obstruct his face from Nathan's view, acutely aware of the scrutiny. "Could you lock this down? Do whatever you can to it. We can all decide later about what we'll do with it."

"Sure," Micah agreed, taking the laptop and heading back to the house he and his dad shared.

"I have some things to look into," Mohinder said soon after. "I'll see you both later."

Peter said goodbye, and Nathan waited.

"What?" Peter finally snapped at him.

"Why isn't she on the list?"

"How should I know," Peter answered, standing quickly and crossing the room.

"Peter."

"Does it really matter?"

"Yes," Nathan said, louder than he'd intended to. "It does, Peter. People kept off the list were done so with a reason; to hide them."

"You suddenly know an awful lot about it."

"I never saw it myself," Nathan said tersely. "But, I know how they worked. Secrecy and lies and…"

"What are you saying?" Peter asked with a laugh. "Weren't you the one who told me how ridiculous it was to suspect Lauren as the mole in the colony? She was too young, remember? Hell, she busted me out of Primatech. Do you think…"

"I'm not accusing…" Nathan said, growing visibly frustrated. "I don't think she's done anything wrong. From what I can tell, she's a sweet girl, and I know she's not involved in any of this, but there has to be a reason she's not there. They wouldn't just omit her."

Peter stared at him, arms across his chest for a long beat before Nathan finally realized that Peter wasn't looking at him, but past him.

"It's alright," Lauren said, addressing Peter as Nathan turned to her. "You can tell him. I… I was the one that kind of insisted that everyone know about Mohinder. It's only fair…"

"Lauren," Peter said kindly, "you don't have to say anything. It's no one's business but your own."

"No," Lauren said, shaking her head. "It's okay. I'm okay with him knowing. With everyone…" Lauren paused before turning to Nathan, but not quite looking him in the eyes. "I'm not on the list, on the main list at least. Hahn told us there were three. One for natural triggers and those they evolved unnaturally. A second for those who had potential to evolve and who began to after New York. And a third… a third that was just myself and Jenny Yi. Not even me, actually. Ainsley Crammer. That's who I was before… That's my real name."

Peter had dropped his chin to his chest as Nathan continued to watch Lauren with a stony silence.

"That's it," she finished, her eyes darting between them. "That wasn't so bad. It's out there now. It's done."

Lauren nodded stiffly and then left, neither of the brothers moving nor speaking until they'd heard the front door shut.

"Peter," Nathan started to say, but was actually silenced by the look he got in return.

"You couldn't just take my word for it?" Peter snapped.

"It's not that," Nathan said, his voice quiet but sincere. "I only wanted you to be certain…"

"I'm certain that I can trust every person here," Peter said, completely irate. "And I need you to trust me that if I'm keeping something from you, or from anyone, it's for the right reasons. No one needed to know that, Nathan. That was nobody's business but hers."

"I didn't know, Peter," Nathan said, his temper beginning to get the best of him as well. "I'm only trying to help."

"I don't need your help," Peter said bitterly as he stormed out of the room.

Nathan let him go; talking wouldn't do either of them any good at this point. As he'd expected, by that night, Peter was back to normal and acting as if they'd never even fought in the first place. That's how he was. Nathan wasn't sure if Peter was better at forgetting or forgiving, he'd never asked; he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

What was obvious after a few days was that Lauren had done neither. Nathan had never seen her so silent and she'd begun to hurry out of the room when either he or Peter entered it. Peter's only response when this would happen was to stare in Nathan's direction, causing Nathan to rethink his whole theory on Peter's capacity for forgiveness, before realizing that Peter only wanted him to set it right. Which was fair, Nathan guessed. He'd been the one to upset her; he should be the one to smooth things over.

Finding her to do so didn't prove difficult, only amusing.

"What's this?" he asked as he approached her out in the field near the main house.

"I needed something to do," she finished without lifting her head.

"And this was the best you could come up with?"

"It needed to be done, so I'm doing it," Lauren said a bit defensively.

"Yes," Nathan agreed. "It does need to be done, but are you really the right person for the job?"

"What's that mean?" she asked, winded even, as she set the axe to her side.

"Nothing, I'd just assume that there were more capable…"

"I'm plenty capable, thanks," Lauren said with just a trace of irritation as she resumed her work. Swinging just a bit wildly and missing the wood, not for the first time.

Nathan watched her take a few more swings, wondering where she even got the strength to lift the weight, it being obvious she'd been at it for some time.

"You don't have to stay here."

"Nonsense," Nathan said quickly. "Someone should stand by in case you take off an arm or some other appendage."

Lauren's mouth twitched as she fought off a smile.

"I'm not that bad."

"You're not that good, either."

"I told you," she said, the lightness that had peaked through momentarily, gone from her voice, "I needed something to do."

"I see," Nathan said, and as he scrutinized her face, he realized she'd been crying. "Mind if I take over?" he asked. "I could use the practice."

Lauren put the axe down and nodded. He half expected her to head off directly, but instead she walked over and sat heavily on the nearest stump.

"Here," he said, taking off and handing her his jacket. "Put that on. You look cold."

"You really like telling people what to do, don't you?" she returned.

"I do," he said, motioning once more for her to comply.

Lauren stared at him for a moment before finally pulling her arms through the long sleeves of his coat.

"So," Nathan said after he'd taken his first swing, "is there any particular reason you're out here punishing yourself with manual labor?"

When she didn't answer immediately, Nathan assumed she wouldn't. It would hardly be the first time she'd just never answered a question he'd asked. He'd grown to expect it from her, but, after a few more swings, she finally spoke up.

"I'm frustrated," she admitted. "This seemed like as good of a thing as any for that. Right?"

"It is oddly satisfying," he admitted.

They lapsed back into an easy silence, only interrupted by the steady crack of the axe.

"I'm also scared."

Nathan stopped only for a moment before continuing on with what he had been doing.

"Why's that?"

"I'm scared that I don't know what I'm becoming and I'm frustrated that I can't control it."

Nathan put the axe down and took a seat, waiting for her to continue.

"I've had so little control and whatever they did made it worse. This thing I do, it feels like it controls me and I hate that. It makes me think that maybe… maybe that's why I was on that last list. That maybe I'm going to become…"

"You're not going to become like Jenny Yi," Nathan interrupted, almost angry with her. "That's not possible. Jenny Yi was an unstable psychopath. There are warning signs, Lauren, and you have none of them."

"But you don't know if she was like that before," Lauren argued, still disturbed by the thought. "That list means she wasn't meant to evolve, and neither was I. Maybe it made her unstable. Maybe…"

"You're being ridiculous," Nathan said dismissively. "The list was just a classification. It could have easily been drawn up any number of ways. The two of you have absolutely nothing in common. Nothing."

"We were both on that list."

"Which means nothing," Nathan objected. "They only used it to track us. Forget the damn list. If it was really a list of would-be killers, Gabriel Gray would have been on the top of it."

"I suppose you're right," Lauren said uneasily after a lengthy pause.

"Of course I am," Nathan returned as he stood up again, so self-assured that Lauren laughed.

"So I'm being stupid?"

"Not stupid," Nathan said, taking another swing. "Just not smart."

Lauren stayed and watched as Nathan continued to chop firewood, contented with the silence for some time.

"So," he asked, pausing to take a break; sitting and finding himself more worn than he'd like to admit. "Is that it?"

Lauren looked at him and shrugged.

"Is there anything else you're dying to ask about? Worried about? Anything at all?"

"No," she said, shaking her head slightly.

"Oh," he said, sounding surprised.

"Why?" she asked, also surprised.

"I just thought you were still here because you weren't done yet," Nathan answered, feeling a bit foolish.

"Do you want me to go?" she asked, starting to get to her feet.

"No," he said quickly. Too quickly. "No," he repeated. "I like having an audience."

Lauren smiled and sat back down again, tucking her feet up underneath her.

"I kind of guessed that about you."

"Really?" he returned. "What else have you been guessing about me?"

But Lauren wouldn't say. She only continued to smile, turning her head off towards the trees that surrounded them. Nathan smiled as well, resuming work.

"I think spring is almost here," she said after another lengthy pause.

Nathan thought so too.


	2. Spring

**Seasons by SLynn  
****Rating: **PG-13 by default  
**Fandom:** Heroes  
**Season: **One/AU after Fallout  
**Characters/Ships:** Nathan, Peter/Claire  
**Disclaimer: **Not mine. Well, not all mine.

**Summary: **Nathan struggles to find his place during their first year in Maine. Post-'Revelations'.

* * *

"_April is the cruelest month, breeding lilacs out of the dead land, mixing memory and desire, stirring dull roots with spring rain."  
__T.S. Eliot_

_**Spring**_

"Have you seen --"

Nathan stopped suddenly as he realized they were not alone.

"Have I seen what?" Peter finished, moving across the room to join Claire and Mohinder at the kitchen table.

"That it looks we'll get a storm soon," Nathan covered. "I was just outside and it's pretty threatening."

"We were just talking about that," Peter provided. "We're thinking that maybe we should all stay here if it gets too bad. How does that sound?"

"Smart," Nathan answered. "I know we haven't seen anyone in the area, but it doesn't mean there won't be. We could lose power and it would be safer if we're all in one place."

"When will D.L. and Lauren be back?" Claire asked Peter after a momentary glance in Nathan's direction.

"Tonight if the weather is good," Peter supplied. "I told you, didn't I? They went to meet Hiro in town."

"So Lauren went with D.L.," Nathan repeated quietly.

"Yeah," Peter answered, even though it wasn't a question. "They left pretty early this morning."

"What about the weather?"

"They took the ATV and a radio. They'll be fine," Peter returned. "Besides, if it does get bad they can hold up there. There are still plenty of supplies left behind to get them through."

Nathan nodded but, despite joining them at the table for the rest of the morning, he had nothing left to say.

They'd stayed gone a week, the storm being much worse than anyone could have predicted. Micah had been in radio contact with Hiro during the course of his trip, and D.L. as well, and had relayed the information that they'd be returning late that evening.

Since finding out, everyone had gathered in the main house as a sort of impromptu welcoming party. The group was so small now that any division, no matter how short, was felt, but add to that the fact that they weren't just welcoming home Hiro, D.L. and Lauren, but greeting four new strangers picked up a few towns away, and it left everyone feeling rather excited.

Soon Hiro and the whole party had arrived and after a brief, but warm, welcome home to the three that had left, Hiro began introducing the four who would now join them at least until the summer.

Nathan's attention waned as Hiro continued on. Everyone was gathered tightly around the front door, making it hard to tell anyone apart. After a moment of searching, he finally found who he was looking for; catching Lauren's eyes with his. She smiled at him before nodding her head off to the side as an indication for him to come meet her.

He wasted no time. Nathan nodded in return before heading towards the side door and avoiding the cluster at the front of the house. Lauren was waiting at the bottom of the steps when he arrived.

"How was your getaway?" he asked, genuinely happy to see her.

"Long," she admitted with a shrug. "It felt… long. I'm not great with new people and between that and the weather, I'm really glad to be back."

"Well," Nathan said, pausing awkwardly before her, "you were missed."

Nathan cleared his throat, dropping his gaze from hers. The moment dragged until Lauren swiveled her body, pointing towards the ATV just off and to the left.

"Do you mind?" she asked. "I could use some help."

"No, of course not," he returned, trying to shake off the uneasiness that had sprung up between them.

They unloaded the cargo in near silence. The basement had two entrances, one outside and one inside, so their work went undisturbed by anyone. It didn't take long for them to be done, and as Nathan sorted through the boxes, Lauren parked the ATV back in the shed.

"We can do that tomorrow," Lauren said, shutting the large doors behind her as she rejoined him in the basement.

"If you want to go upstairs you can," Nathan returned. "I've got this."

Lauren didn't reply, only fell in place beside him and began to sift through the goods. They riffled and redistributed the items into the appropriate bins, speaking only when necessary.

"I believe we are done," Nathan said, clapping his hands together and gesturing once around the room.

"Yeah," Lauren agreed, looking tentatively up at the ceiling.

"We really should go and at least appear welcoming," Nathan said, heavy on the sarcasm. "Well, I should. I'm sure you were perfectly pleasant to our new arrivals. I, however, have completely forgotten how to be hospitable, not that I was ever really any good at it. Not to strangers at least."

"You're stalling."

"Yes, I am," he freely admitted.

Lauren smiled, motioning for him to follow as she began her own way up the stairs, stopping at the top to hold the door open for him.

"They're nice people," Lauren said, lowering her voice lest they be overheard. "Really."

"So nice you escaped from them the very moment you could?"

"Nathan," she said, trying to sound admonishing, but hardly succeeding.

"You look tired."

"You're still stalling?" Lauren asked, serious now.

"I'm sure they're great, I can't wait to meet them," Nathan said in a rush, "but I'm serious. You look tired. You should go get some rest. Don't hang around here because you feel you have to. Go home. Get some sleep."

"I think I will," Lauren agreed, but remained in place with a steady determination.

"Goodnight then," Nathan said softly.

Lauren, seemingly decided, took a step in his direction and without hesitating he opened his arms in anticipation, only to see her fall back instead, looking mortified, and hurry towards the door.

"Goodnight," she called out without looking back, leaving Nathan behind her in confusion.

"Nathan."

He turned at the sound of Peter's voice, surprised to find him standing just behind him in the doorway.

"I'm sorry if… I was just looking for you both," Peter explained, embarrassed at his own intrusion.

"Sorry for what, Pete?" Nathan said, harsher than he meant it. "You've seen two people say goodnight before."

Peter nodded slowly, without meeting his brother's eyes.

"Excuse me," Nathan said, dropping his own gaze and moving past Peter without another word.

When Lauren still showed up in the mornings for her coffee, Nathan was a bit taken aback. He'd expected her to retreat from his company altogether, but soon realized that that was near impossible. They all had to live and work together, no matter what their feelings may or may not be.

He could see now that he'd overstepped the invisible boundary between them. Lauren may act nice towards him, but it couldn't mean anything. It didn't mean anything; she'd made that very clear. She wasn't his friend; she was only a nice person. He meant, in the future, to remember that and act accordingly. After all, he'd had no intention of making friends with her. He'd only wanted to make her happy; to try and make her comfortable if he could, seeing as she was the only person he could do anything for. Nathan expected nothing in return; he deserved nothing in return.

"Good morning," he said upon entering the kitchen, seeing her alone at the table the way she seemed to like it.

"Morning," she replied, only briefly glancing his way.

Nathan stood in place, debating whether or not to go. He'd just started to turn towards the door when Claire joined them.

"Good morning," she said. "You're both up early."

"I assumed there would be lots to do," Nathan answered. "We still need to make that new house livable. If it's half as bad as the rest it'll take a month at least."

Claire nodded, not exactly looking forward to the task either.

"What about you, Lauren?" she asked, as she rummaged through the refrigerator for breakfast.

"I couldn't sleep," she answered.

Before Claire could comment further, two of the new arrivals, Tom and Alison, joined them, full of laughter and conversation.

Nathan watched from across the room as Lauren withdrew to the window, and then, not long after Hiro and D.L. arrived, she left the room altogether.

His first impulse was to go after her, just to be certain she was alright, but that wouldn't do. If Nathan was going to be indifferent, the sooner he began the better. So, even if it cost him some pangs, he let her go.

Tom, Alison, Cal and Bethany were all fitting in well. Hiro had met up with them a few towns over close to the Canadian border. Tom was in his early thirties, short and stocky with black hair and light eyes. Alison was young, the same age and height as Lauren, only built a bit heavier, healthier even, with blond hair and blue eyes. Cal was the oldest of their group, approaching forty. He was tall and lanky with thinning red hair and blue eyes. And Bethany, who had only just met the others herself a few weeks earlier, had short sandy hair and brown eyes. She was also in her early thirties with a slim build and, of all things, a dog named Pepper.

The four of them seemed nice, and were friendly enough. They were all willing to work as hard as everyone else, and asked little questions about the past. None of them were gifted, but it didn't matter. They'd decided to at least stay through the spring before planning their next move, and that was fine. No one would force them to stay if they didn't want to.

It wasn't unusual, most nights, for everyone to gather at the main house as they'd always done. Dinner was typically had there, and afterwards, everyone was content to sit and talk a few hours. It was a comfortable reminder of things that had been. There was usually some kind of music, lots of stories and laughter, with only a few people here and there breaking off from the main group. Hiro had even managed to procure a few board games during the last trip into town which tended to prolong the evenings quite a bit.

Most people enjoyed it, but for Nathan this always felt like the longest part of his day, and he was simply biding his time until he could leave. He hadn't always felt this way, but lately it was the case. After all, now there was no one for him to talk to. Lauren, for whatever reason, had simply stopped coming around and Nathan couldn't reasonably expect Peter to always be at his side. He still did his best to mingle, but only to stop his brother from worrying; he did enough of that already. Tonight was different though. Nathan couldn't bring himself to try, so instead sat in the far corner to read.

"Is it any good?"

Nathan lifted his eyes from the page and smiled.

"Not particularly," he admitted. "But it's keeping me awake."

"At least there's that," Claire said, taking a seat on the ottoman next to his chair.

"Did you need something?"

"Not really," she said, shaking her head as she looked around the room. "We haven't talked in awhile."

"Oh," Nathan returned, shutting the book and rubbing his eyes. "I see. Peter sent you over here."

"No," Claire immediately denied. "He did not."

"Fine," Nathan sighed. "He didn't. I believe you."

"Good."

"So what's he on about now?"

"Can't I just come over and talk to you without being forced into it?"

"I don't know, can you?"

"Okay, I'm just going to cut to the chase, Nathan," Claire said, stopping short of rolling her eyes. "I'm worried."

"Is this about…"

"No," she said quickly, talking over him. "That's…

"Have you talked with Peter yet?"

"It's taken care of," she said growing impatient.

"Because, really Claire, it's not something…"

"Will you stop it," she interrupted. "This has nothing to do with me. I'm worried about Lauren."

"What about her?" he asked, his attention finally caught.

"Haven't you noticed?" Claire returned. "She's just… I don't know how to describe it. She's off. Tired. I think she may be upset or something, but I don't know about what."

"And what am I supposed to do about this?"

"Nathan," Claire said, this time with the eye roll, "I know you two talk. That's not like a secret, or anything, around here. You can't keep a secret like that around here. I thought you might know what's wrong, or you might be able to talk to her --"

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not?"

"Claire," Nathan sighed, dropping the act entirely for once, "it just isn't. She's not going to tell me what's wrong. Yes, Lauren and I talk, but it's all idle. You're better off asking Peter or Hiro to do it. You're better off just asking her yourself."

"I've tried," Claire returned. "She just keeps insisting there is nothing wrong, but I know that there is."

"Then I'm sure I'd be of no help."

Claire shook her head at him, equally amused and exasperated.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I'm heading to bed," Nathan said, laying his book down and getting to his feet. "Goodnight."

"You're wrong," Claire called after him.

"No, I'm not," he answered without looking back.

Despite what he'd told Claire, Nathan did give it some serious thought. He still didn't agree with Claire, knew he was the wrong person for the job, but found the idea that something might really be wrong with Lauren too much to ignore.

So, Nathan waited a few hours, stewed on it, and then returned downstairs to a nearly empty house. He sat nearer the rest of them now, and after Hiro said goodnight, Claire quickly persuaded Peter that they should go to bed as well, leaving Nathan alone with Lauren.

"Goodnight," Claire said to them both, giving Nathan a significant look to which he rolled his eyes in return.

"Goodnight," Lauren called back to them both, looking up only briefly before returning to her book.

Nathan sat and fidgeted for a moment before having to say something.

"Is it good?" he found himself asking, the same awkward conversation starter Claire had employed on him.

Lauren lifted her eyes and gave him half a smile.

"It's alright," she finally said, laying the book across her lap. "I've seen the movie so I kind of know how it ends already."

"The movies are never as good as the books," Nathan said automatically.

"I take it you haven't seen very many movies."

"And I take it that you haven't read very many books."

"That's true," she said, smiling wider now. "I don't know. I just never had the time before now."

"Well," Nathan said, relaxing into the sofa, "you were young. Girls your age…"

"Would you stop with the 'girl' thing already," Lauren interrupted. "I'm not a girl. I haven't been for awhile now, Nathan. I don't know how old you think I am…"

"You're twenty-five," he cut-in.

"That's right," she said, but she couldn't mask her surprise at him knowing that. "I think we can both agree that that makes me no longer a girl. It's condescending."

"I apologize," he said sincerely. "I won't do it again."

"Thank you."

"Is that why you've been so quiet lately?" he asked after a pause. "Because I've been condescending to you?"

"No," she answered truthfully, aware he was only half-teasing her.

"It's not still that business with the list, is it?"

"No," she said. "No, it's not that. I've just… I have a hard time sleeping. And I have a hard time with strangers. It's… it's awkward for me."

"Ah," he said.

"You don't get it," she said, waving her hand at him.

"No, I know awkward," Nathan insisted. "My brother is sleeping with my daughter. I'm very familiar with awkward."

Lauren stared at him at a complete loss for words.

"Was that inappropriate?" he asked.

Lauren dropped her head into her hands in a fit of laughter.

"I can't believe you'd say that," she said, still laughing but slowly gaining control again. "You can't be serious… Nathan, that's awful."

"You didn't know?" he asked, completely unfazed by her reaction.

"I'm really not sure I want to," Lauren said with a shake of her head.

"It's not as bad as it sounds," Nathan assured her. "Peter and I aren't actually blood related, and I didn't find out about Claire until, well, until very recently."

"Why are you telling me this?" Lauren asked.

"I figured it's only fair," Nathan answered. "You told me some things I'm sure you'd have rather not, and so, in exchange, I've now told you some of the more sordid Petrelli family secrets."

"Thank you," she said, with a laugh. "But you didn't have to."

"Actually, you may have been the only one left that didn't know."

"Well then," Lauren said with mock-annoyance. "I take it back. What else have you got?"

Nathan mulled it over for a second before asking her to join him on the sofa.

"What is it?" she asked, skeptical but still complying.

"Here," he said, taking out his wallet and rummaged through it.

"You still carry a wallet?"

"Old habit," he returned. "It's familiar."

"How do you even still have one?"

"It was with my things back in Boston. When we stopped, I picked it up."

Lauren nodded, still uncertain what he was doing.

"Here," he said, taking it out a few pictures and handing them to her. "Look."

"Oh," Lauren said, leaning back in surprise.

"You shared about your old life and… well, this is what's left of mine."

"How old were you in this?" Lauren asked, smiling down at the picture.

"About your age," Nathan said with a melancholy smile. "It was taken at my wedding."

"Peter looks so different," Lauren mumbled. "So do you. You both look so…"

"Young?"

"Happy," she corrected.

"I guess we were," Nathan said as she flipped to the next photo. "Aw, this is Heidi. My sons."

Lauren looked up at him, clearly conflicted.

"You didn't have to show these to me."

"I know I didn't have to," Nathan said seriously as he took them away again. "I wanted to."

"I wish… I don't have any pictures to show you," Lauren sighed. "The only thing I have… This was my mom's," Lauren said as she held up her wrist, showing him her watch. "It doesn't run anymore but I still wear it because it was hers."

"It's very nice," Nathan complemented. "I'm sure we could find a new battery for it in town."

"It's not the battery that's the problem," Lauren laughed. "It's me. I… I broke it."

Nathan took her by the hand and looked at the watch, seeing no outward signs of damage.

"It stopped working when I first started using my power," Lauren explained.

Nathan nodded as he met her eyes, uncomfortably aware of how close they were now sitting. His free arm was practically around her shoulder and his hand still closed around wrist.

"So," he said, clearing his throat and trying to relax as he let go of her and shifted subtly away. "So, is it all strangers or just this particular set?"

"All," she admitted. "I'm sure they're fine, I guess I've met too many… I think I just spent too much time alone, you know? Of course you know. You spent half of last year by yourself."

"That wasn't so bad," Nathan lied.

"But it does change you," Lauren stated, but her eyes were questioning. "Maybe it isn't the same. I could still get around. Go wherever I wanted. We were both alone, but you were being held prisoner. I still had my freedom."

"Were you always alone?" Nathan asked out of curiosity.

Lauren dropped her eyes and fidgeted uncomfortably before looking at the clock on the mantle.

"It's late," she said suddenly, scooting forward on the sofa. "I should be getting back to my room."

"Oh," Nathan said, surprised by the change. "Alright, what's the protocol here? Should I walk you home?"

"It's just across the lawn," she said, laughing more comfortably as she got to her feet. "I think I can manage it alone."

"Are you sure?" he asked, getting up after her. "You are a lady, and I like to pretend I'm still a gentleman."

"No, thank you," she said, despite which he walked with her to the front door. "I've got it."

They each said a quiet goodnight, and Nathan stayed out on the porch until he could see the door shut at the other house.

The kitchen the next morning was fuller than Nathan had remembered it in some time. Not only were Alison and Bethany there already, making breakfast, but Claire, Lauren, Mohinder and Peter were there too.

"So it's all made up?" Mohinder was asking Bethany. "All of it?"

"Well, there may be some contamination," she returned. "I went up through Canada to be safe. It was supposed to be all in the plain states. The border states were all considered safe enough, but I waited till now to cross back. But no one inside Canada that I've met had heard anything of it."

"I can't believe you've been traveling so long," Mohinder said, bemused.

"I didn't walk the whole way," Bethany said with a laugh. "And I stopped here and there. Had company some time. Pepper has been with me the longest though."

"I still can't believe it," Mohinder said. "We were so certain we shouldn't go west."

"Tom figures it was mostly propaganda," Alison added. "Them trying to keep us all in one place after the states began to break apart. I'd heard that California is it's own country now, Texas too if you can believe it."

"I don't know about Texas," Bethany said, shaking her head skeptically as she turned back to what she'd been cooking. "But California is definitely not. Oregon was getting refugees before I'd left. The floods and earthquakes. I'm not sure what's left there to be a country."

"There wasn't much left here and that didn't stop anyone from trying," Alison said. "Not that it did any good. It's all such a mess."

Peter shifted uneasily in his chair, unable to keep himself from looking at Nathan. Claire looked his way too, but at least she was attempting to smile.

Mohinder must have felt the conversation wasn't headed anywhere pleasant either and took the first opportunity he had to ask Bethany various questions about her former line of work as a veterinarian.

Nathan took the subtle hint and quietly excused himself from the room. They'd made their guests welcome, had learned as much as they could about them, but had no real idea how much their guests knew about them in return.

"Wait up!"

Nathan glanced over his shoulder briefly, but didn't slow his pace.

"Nathan," Peter called, finally catching him. "Wait."

"Walk faster and I won't have to."

"Listen," Peter said, keeping pace with him now step for step, "about that back there…"

"I left, didn't I?"

"Yeah," Peter agreed. "And, I was…"

"What is it, Pete?" Nathan said, stopping halfway from the main house to the one shared by D.L. and Micah.

"Maybe you should lay low…"

Nathan knew that as soon as the words had come out of Peter's mouth, he'd regretted them, but that couldn't stop him from being angry.

"Lay low," he repeated, jaw clenched. "For how long?"

"Not like," Peter started, sighing heavily and running his hands through his hair. "I don't mean like live in the basement or anything like that…"

"No, that's an excellent idea," Nathan returned sarcastically.

"Nathan," Peter said, fidgeting uncomfortably as Hiro and Tom came out of the nearest house. "That's not… I just meant that we should be careful."

"No, you meant I should be careful."

"Yes," Peter agreed. "You should."

"And I should stay out of the way."

"Just until we know these people better."

"Maybe I should just leave altogether."

"Nathan," Peter sighed again. "Why are you making this so difficult? You know I'm not saying this because I want to. I'm trying to protect you. I'm trying to protect us all. Why does it always have to be a fight?"

Nathan looked at him for a long beat before finally nodding and squeezing his shoulder.

"You're right," he said. "Of course you're right. I can keep out of the way for a few days. More if it means I don't have to wash dishes."

"Thank you," Peter said, pulling him into a hug. "It won't be long. A few days and we should know for sure if they can be trusted."

Nathan smiled on the outside, but inwardly cringed. It wasn't so much that Peter had asked him to do this, but that he had to ask him. Nathan did understand why it was necessary, he understood completely; he was only sorry for it being so. That once again Peter was being forced into protecting him, when it should be Nathan doing the protecting. He was the older of the two; it was his job, not Peter's. It used to be his job.

For the next few days, Nathan did his best to comply with Peter's request. He even managed to not complain about it unnecessarily, but it did put him in a rather foul mood. Nathan couldn't stay completely out of the way, it just wasn't possible given all the work there was to do, but he did try.

"Where are these going?" he asked, coming up from the basement of the house they'd been cleaning now for weeks with several boxes in his arms.

"What's in them?" Claire asked, motioning for him to set them down.

Nathan complied, opening the boxes and helping her rifle through them.

"The clothes we'll keep," she decided. "We can wash them later and see if anyone needs anything. The plates, I'm not sure? It can't hurt to keep them."

"Claire, have we actually thrown anything out?"

"I just want to be prepared," she returned. "We can't afford to be wasteful. It's not like we can just run out and get a new set of dishes or anything like that."

"Actually, we can," Nathan said dryly. "The store in town has boxes full of them. Brand new. Never used."

"What do you think happened here?" Claire asked pensively, ignoring his previous remarks. "The whole place is just empty. Isn't that weird?"

"Could have been a lot of things," Nathan answered. "The town wasn't big to begin with. We've only seen about twenty homes in all. May be they all migrated together, north or south or who knows where."

"It's creepy," Claire decided.

"Don't start that," Nathan sighed. "There's nothing wrong with this place. It's not haunted, or possessed, or cursed. There's no such thing as ghosts."

"People can't fly," Claire added sarcastically.

"Not all of them," Nathan said. "And you know what I meant. There's no point it getting worked up over --"

A loud bang from upstairs caused them both to jump. It was followed quickly by the sound of footsteps, racing across the floor and down the steps.

Nathan and Claire turned to find Lauren, still on the steps, looking up at the second floor fearfully, her face having gone white.

"What is it?" Nathan asked, quickly joining her and looking up as well.

"Rat," she squeaked, holding her hands apart and indicating a rather large size.

"And?" Nathan asked, certain there was more.

Lauren only shook her head, backing off the steps, rubbing the back of her neck irritably.

"You're afraid of a rat?" Nathan asked, still not believing it.

"Not just one," Lauren said, her back now up against the front door.

"Claire," Nathan said, turning to get her support on this, only to find she'd joined Lauren at the door. "Not you too?"

Claire smiled at him, meekly, looking as if she might be ill.

"Okay," Nathan said, seeing that he was going to have to do this alone, "D.L. said there were traps in the shed. I'll set them up, but it may take a few days before anything is caught. We still need to get this place cleaned up."

"I'll get the traps for you," Claire said, quickly exiting and obviously not wanting to stay inside any longer.

Lauren looked as if she was ready to bolt as well.

"Are you going to leave me, too?" Nathan asked, becoming annoyed.

"No," Lauren said tentatively. "But…"

"Then come on," Nathan sighed, leading the way back upstairs. "Where did you see them?"

"In the bathroom," Lauren asked, walking right behind him as if she was afraid the rats might attack.

Nathan went in first, as Lauren hung outside the doorway, and immediately laughed.

"Is that your rat?" he asked, motioning her inside.

Lauren peeked inside to where he was pointing at the bathtub.

"Lauren," he said, shaking his head. "That's a mouse. That's barely a mouse."

"I panicked, okay," she admitted. "I saw the tail and…" She trailed off, shuddering again. "I hate rats."

"Well, these houses probably all have mice," Nathan told her. "But not rats. The rats will be in the barns and sheds."

"Don't say that," Lauren said, shuddering again. "I practice in the barn."

"They're not going to hurt you," Nathan said dismissively. "You just have to keep away from them."

"Don't tell me that they're more afraid of me than I am of them," she said. "That's not true. They're mean and aggressive and awful."

"What do you know about rats?"

"They were all over the subways," Lauren returned. "In the streets. Everywhere. Night was the worst."

Nathan felt suddenly foolish. He'd been chastising her for something she legitimately feared, with good reason having forgotten her time in Boston.

"Well, that little guy isn't going to hurt you," he said, pointing to the mouse that was safely trapped inside the bathtub.

Lauren nodded uneasily, but did not look convinced. Lunging at him when he moved forward, peering into the bathtub again.

"Don't touch it!" she yelped, making him laugh.

"I'm not going to touch it," he said, still laughing and not bothering to shake her off of his arm which she now held with both of her hands. "I was only looking," he continued, pulling her forward slightly, his arm sliding free and ending up around her shoulders. "See. It's not scary."

"For you it isn't," she said, but Nathan felt her relax into his side.

Nathan laughed, squeezing her closer as he did so. Then, as had happened the other night, their eyes met and the space between them seemed to shrink. This time, however, neither of them moved away and now there was nothing left to laugh about. Quite the opposite; it all felt very serious as their eyes met.

Almost unaware of his actions, Nathan brought a hand up to her face, slowly tracing her jaw line with his thumb before titling her head up towards his own. Nathan had forgotten what attraction could be like; that moments like this still even existed in the world. He wanted to hold on to it, to stop and savor it for as long as possible, but then the reality of the situation came crashing down upon him as Lauren let out a soft breath.

Nathan looked away first, moving his hand quickly to her shoulder and off again with an awkward jerk as if he was afraid to keep touching her.

"This isn't," he began to say, but couldn't bring himself to face her again or to finish.

"Guys!"

They both stepped apart at the sound of D.L.'s voice coming from downstairs.

"We're upstairs," Nathan yelled back.

Lauren looked around uncomfortably, blushing even as she moved out of the bathroom and down the hall.

"What's wrong?" Nathan heard Claire ask, followed by the sound of both women retreating back down the steps.

He didn't see either Lauren or Claire for the rest of the day. D.L. and Nathan were left to set the traps and do some minor cleaning, but agreed to give it a few days before tackling the heavier chores.

For the three days following, he continued to see nothing of Lauren. Nathan didn't know where she was keeping herself, and he did his best to not try and find out. In fact, it might have been more that he was avoiding her, and not the other way around. Nathan had taken to slipping out of the house early in the morning, taking his meals alone in the kitchen, and retreating to his room almost as soon as the sun set each night. He told himself that he was only respecting Peter's request, but knew there was more to it than that.

Finally, Claire caught up with him, barging into his room unannounced not long after he had snuck off after dinner.

"What the hell, Nathan?"

"Can I help you?" he asked, seemingly undisturbed by the intrusion.

"What are you doing?"

"Reading," he answered, holding up the book as if she might have missed it.

"You know what I mean."

"Obviously I don't."

"Nathan," Claire sighed. "What the hell?"

"You've said that already."

Claire sat down heavily on the side of the bed, dropping her head to her chest and shaking it in exasperation. "You have no idea why I'm here?"

"None."

"You're impossible," she sighed. "Really, sometimes Nathan, you're impossible to love. You know that right?"

"So I've been told," he returned, unable to completely suppress his smile at her comment.

"Are you going to apologize to her or not?"

"To who?"

Claire glared at him.

"I'm waiting," Nathan said, not bothering to look up from his book.

"I don't know what you did or said to Lauren," Claire said as she got to her feet, "but you had better make it right. I mean it, Nathan. Fix this. Fix this now."

"What did she tell you?"

"She didn't tell me anything," Claire admitted.

"So how do you know I'm to blame?"

"She didn't say anything because she didn't have to. I know you must have said or done something, Nathan."

"Of course I did," he returned sarcastically, not wanting to have this conversation with her or with anyone else.

"Don't," she snapped, her face so serious that Nathan had to pay attention. "Don't screw with me now. Talking to you is like being on some kind of psychotic merry-go-round sometimes, but not now. You know, I asked you to see what was wrong, and you did and she was fine for a few days and now… I don't know what you're doing, but it's got to stop. You have to go and apologize or…"

"Apologize for what? I didn't do anything so it's not like I can…"

"No, it's exactly like that," Claire interrupted.

"Claire," he tried reasoning, but she only shook her head at him.

His hands were tied. Nathan knew that Claire was never going to leave him alone until he promised to get it done. So he did. He'd come too far with Claire to just disregard what was obviously important to her, even if that meant making a fool of himself.

Nathan had no idea what to say that would make things better again between himself and Lauren. He wasn't sure there was anything he could say. He certainly couldn't admit what he'd wanted to do and apologize for it; what he'd almost done. Nathan could barely admit that to himself. He would have to find a delicate way to sidestep this mess he had made, and that wouldn't be easy. But, he'd try. If it was that important to Claire, and because it was obviously hurting Lauren, he'd try.

The very next day, he set out to find Lauren, starting with her favorite haunt, the kitchen. Disappointed to find only Alison and Bethany, Nathan meant to keep searching, only to be detained momentarily by their welcomes.

"We're going to have breakfast," Alison said cheerfully. "Care to join us?"

"No," Nathan answered. "Thank you, I was actually just on my way out."

"I think she's in the barn," Bethany offered with a sly smile.

"Excuse me?" Nathan asked.

"Lauren," she explained. "She just left for the barn. Said something about needing practice."

Nathan nodded slightly, turning to go without saying anything more.

Not bothering with a jacket this time, the days were becoming steadily milder this late in spring, Nathan headed out the side door and down the path towards the nearest barn which happened to be the larger of the two. He was a little surprised she'd gone back to practicing inside the barn, given their recent talk about rats, but she had to do it somewhere and the barn was the safest place for it to be done.

On the walk there he saw that several people were coming and going already, despite the early hour. Spring was making early risers of them all. Nathan didn't give them much more than a glance, except to see if Lauren was among them. Once sure she wasn't, he went inside.

"Lauren?" he called out, scanning the loft briefly.

The barn was extremely cluttered, filled with old machinery and the remnants of animals that had long since stopped living on the farm, so it took awhile to get around. Nathan was near to giving up, thinking she might have gone to the other barn, or might have simply changed her mind altogether, when he heard the sound of approaching footsteps.

Nathan turned quickly to see if perhaps it was Lauren, realizing if she'd gone back to her house first he could have beaten her there, but was disappointed to see only Tom instead.

"Have you seen Lauren?" he asked, not bothering with the niceties of conversation. "Bethany said…"

Nathan's voice faded into shock. Tom had simply never given him any warning, any indication of what was to come; he'd simply closed the gap between them and plunged a knife into his stomach.

His only instinct was to fight, but Nathan couldn't manage much of one. He wasn't the same man he used to be. He wasn't in as good of shape and he was certainly not prepared for this kind of struggle. Nathan fell to the floor and Tom went with him, still stabbing at him while cursing his name.

It was shock and adrenaline that kept him awake, that made it possible for Nathan to even struggle, but it couldn't last. As he felt himself finally sliding towards oblivion, a sharp scream brought him momentarily back to his senses.

Nathan could just register a flash of blue as Tom was pushed free of him. Tom's weight on him replaced by a much gentler kind; a light touch on his chest followed by a muted sob.

"Help," he heard Lauren say weakly. "Someone… Oh, God… help…"

Nathan's eyes fluttered open briefly, catching sight of Lauren kneeling next to him with both of her hands wrapped around one of his.

He tried to speak, but her attention became suddenly fixed on something else.

"No!" she screamed, jumping to her feet and running away without any reason he could discern.

The next thing Nathan was aware of was Claire, kneeling almost exactly where Lauren had been, with tears in her eyes.

"You're going to be fine," she assured him quietly, touching her hand to his face. "You will. I promise. I can do this… I can… Just hold on, okay? Nathan…"

Nathan tried to say something to her, but couldn't. All he could concentrate on was the fact that, not far away, he could hear a woman's scream.

The next time he opened his eyes, he was back in his room.

Nathan took a deep breath, his whole chest still tight with pain, before sitting up. Peter was right there, sitting beside him; lifting his head and trying to smile, but his eyes were bloodshot.

"You had us pretty worried," Peter said, his voice still heavy with emotion.

"What the hell happened?"

"Tom," Peter answered simply. Nathan was shocked to see his hands were shaking. "He… He recognized you and…"

It all felt so dreamlike, Nathan was sure it couldn't be real.

"They'll be gone soon," Peter continued. "They're…"

"Not the problem, Pete," Nathan interrupted harshly.

"Don't start. Not now, Nathan. Okay? It's taken care of."

Nathan gave Peter a hard look, not liking the sound of that at all.

"Please tell me you didn't…"

"No, I didn't," Peter answered before he could finish, but Nathan sensed that wasn't the entire truth of it. "Just, lie down and get some rest. It's handled. You lost a lot of blood and… Claire tried, she did, but…"

Nathan nodded, remembering now that Claire had been there; remembering as well that so had Lauren; and that there had been screaming.

"Where is she?" he asked suddenly sitting up right and startling Peter who thought he'd been compliant.

"Claire's next door…"

"Where's Lauren?" he asked, correcting himself. "She was there… She was right there… He didn't… He…"

"She's fine," Peter quickly assured him. "Just shook up is all."

Nathan nodded, and Peter once more relaxed; ready to keep watch on him for as long as it took. Then, to his surprise, Nathan got up entirely and began to get dressed in a hurry.

"What do you think you're doing?" Peter asked.

"I want to talk to her."

"Nathan, it can wait."

"No, it can't."

"You shouldn't be out of bed," Peter argued, already knowing it was no use. Nathan was not one to be easily dissuaded. "Damn it, Nathan. Will you listen to me?"

Nathan didn't answer, and he didn't look back, only moved quickly out the door, downstairs and into the kitchen.

"Nathan," Mohinder said, standing up in surprise. "What are you doing up?"

Nathan scanned the room quickly; it was only Mohinder, Micah and Bethany. None of them looked well, but Bethany in particular was extremely pale from the shock.

"Where's Lauren?" he asked, ignoring Mohinder's question.

"She's next door, but..."

It was all Nathan waited for. As soon as he heard, he began to move, and Mohinder moved with him.

"That's not a good idea," Mohinder said, blocking his way to the door.

"Out of my way."

"Nathan," Peter said, coming up behind him. "Really. Just wait. Wait until Cal and Alison are gone and then, I swear, no one will stop you from seeing her."

Nathan looked around the room again; Micah was now on his feet as well, ready to try and stop him if necessary.

"You're not going with them?" Nathan asked Bethany.

"No," she said, shaking her head. "I didn't… I didn't know they were going to do this. I'd never… I don't care who you are."

Nathan looked at Peter who confirmed her story with a slight nod.

"What about Tom?" Nathan asked, finally agreeing to wait it out and taking a seat at the table. "I imagine he's going with the others?"

No one answered.

"Peter?" he asked, hoping he hadn't been lied to before.

"He's dead," Peter finally answered, gesturing towards the window.

Nathan stood up to look for himself. Halfway across the field was where his remains still lay; covered not by one sheet, but by two.

"You told me you didn't…"

"I didn't."

Nathan had learned most of the details in the time it took for D.L. to ensure that Cal and Alison were well on their way away from them. Tom had long thought Nathan looked familiar, but it was only in the last few days that he'd actually put two and two together.

Having lived under the rule of the Order, he'd naturally hate the very sight of Nathan and worked up a plan with Alison and Cal. It was simple really; they just had to get him alone. When Bethany had unwittingly sent him off that morning, Alison had left soon after to let Tom know. Despite knowing Lauren was indeed heading to the barn, none of them had thought her much of a problem given her timid demeanor. They'd been wrong.

No one knew exactly what had happened, but Mohinder was the first to hear Lauren's call for help. He'd made it outside in time to witness the force field Lauren had tried to put up to keep Tom from escaping. However, she'd miscalculated, and ended up slicing him clean in two. From that point on it was near chaos. Mohinder called down Claire and Peter, still not knowing what exactly had taken place, all while trying to keep Lauren calm and Alison, who had also arrived, under control.

Peter and Mohinder had both assumed Lauren had been the one attacked, but despite her shock, Lauren finally managed to convey that that wasn't the case and Claire came upon Nathan first. Unable to fully heal him, she had gotten Peter to finish the job as best he could. He'd managed to heal up most of his wounds, but Peter had never been as good at using Claire's power as Claire was herself.

"They're gone," D.L. said, returning after a few hours, and sitting opposite his son.

Mohinder stood up, and without saying anything more went to go and take care of the remains. Micah stood to follow, but D.L. put a hand on his shoulder and gently pushed his son back into his chair, choosing to join Mohinder himself.

Nathan stood as well, Peter moving to join him.

"I'll go with you," he said, didn't ask, knowing where Nathan was heading.

Hiro met them at the door of the house, shaking his head and still clearly upset.

"How is she doing?" Peter asked.

"Mohinder gave her a sedative and Claire's been with her since," he answered, "but I don't think she's well."

"Can I go up?" Nathan asked.

Hiro paused, clearly not certain, before finally relenting with a brief nod.

Nathan climbed the steps and stopped. Peter didn't say anything, just stepped around him and moved to Lauren's room; tapping gently first to alert them to their arrival.

Claire opened the door for them with a wan smile and several tears; stopping to hug first Peter and then Nathan.

"She's sleeping," Claire said before either of them could ask. "There wasn't really anything... It's shock, at least that's what Mohinder says. She should be fine."

"Do you mind?" Nathan asked.

"No," Peter answered. "We'll leave you here. Just let us know if you need anything, okay? We'll be downstairs."

Nathan nodded and Claire hugged him once more before she and Peter left the room.

When they were gone, Nathan pulled a chair up to the side of the bed and waited for her to awaken; holding her hand as he remembered her doing for him. It was hours before she began to stir; whatever Mohinder had given her was definitely strong. First she lifted her head, then opened her eyes, punctuated by heavy blinks, and then squeezed her hand inside his.

"What…" she said, her voice scratchy from the drugs.

"Take it easy," Nathan said evenly. "Don't sit up too fast."

Lauren's eyes met his in the semi-darkness of the room. They still looked glossy, but she seemed alert.

"I thought you were dead," she said after clearing her throat.

"No," he said softly. "No, I wasn't."

"I killed him, didn't I? I…"

"Don't worry about that," Nathan returned. "Don't think about it."

"I did… I killed…"

"Go back to sleep," he said, stroke her head his hand. "It'll be fine."

"I didn't mean it," she said, coming close to tears. "I didn't."

"I know," he said, shushing her and hoping she'd rest.

"It was an accident," she muttered, shutting her eyes and on the verge of sleep. "Like before. An accident."

"It's okay, Lauren."

"I thought you were dead…"

"I'm not going anywhere."


	3. Summer

**Seasons by SLynn  
****Rating: **PG-13 by default  
**Fandom:** Heroes  
**Season: **One/AU after Fallout  
**Characters/Ships:** Nathan, Peter/Claire  
**Disclaimer: **Not mine. Well, not all mine.

**Summary: **Nathan struggles to find his place during their first year in Maine. Post-'Revelations'.

* * *

"_I know I am but summer to your heart, and not the full four seasons of the year."  
__Edna St. Vincent Millay_

_**Summer**_

"It's a bit late for coffee, isn't it?"

"It's morning," Lauren defended, fighting back a massive yawn.

"It's three. It's technically morning," Nathan said, "but in reality still night."

Lauren shrugged as if it didn't matter.

"Come here," he said, holding out his hand and gesturing towards the door.

"What?"

"If you're going to be awake you should at least be comfortable," he said, still motioning for her to join him. "We'll sit in the living room. I hate the chairs in here."

"You're always ordering people around," she said with a laugh, getting to her feet and taking his hand.

"What can I say? It's fun for me."

Nathan held her hand until they sat down, reluctantly letting it go and draping his arm across the back of the couch. She was close, but not too close. Lauren never sat too close any more. The tension between them was still alive, but now it seemed they were both fighting it.

For some time they remained comfortably quiet, until Lauren tossed her head back and rubbed her eyes with a groan.

"Why can't I sleep?" she asked aloud.

"I'm sure you can."

"No, I can't. I can't sleep."

"You're over thinking it."

"How's that?" she asked, tilting her head slightly to meet his eyes.

"You're thinking about it too much," he explained. "You go to bed already worked up, knowing you won't be able to sleep; worried about it. All that thinking and worrying and knowing make it a reality. You over think it. Psych yourself out. You can't do that. You need to just relax and not think."

Lauren watched him for a moment longer, mulling it over.

"Why aren't you asleep?" she finally asked.

"Me?" Nathan returned. "Oh, I can't sleep."

Lauren chuckled softly and shut her eyes, just as he'd hoped she would.

"It's the nightmares," she said lightly after a few minutes of silence between them. "Sometimes they're so bad."

Nathan nodded in agreement, even though she couldn't see him. She still had head back and her eyes shut; the tips of his fingers just grazing her hair.

"Do you ever have them?" she asked, tipping her head towards him again as her eyes opened wide.

"Doesn't everyone?"

"I didn't ask about everyone."

Nathan smiled, unconsciously stroking her hair.

"Yes," he admitted. "I do. All the time."

"What do you do about them?"

"I wake up."

"Seriously," she said with a smile.

"I just remember they're not real."

Lauren nodded before closing her eyes again.

"What if they are real?" she asked quietly.

He had no answer for that.

More than a month had passed since the incident between Tom and Nathan, but no one had quite gotten over it. They'd decided to begin sentry duty at night, each of the men alternating turns. Claire and Lauren had objected loudly to this, Bethany as well, but they were overruled. Not that it kept any of them from regularly joining whoever happened to be on duty on any given night. Everyone's nerves were so raw that it wasn't unusual for two or three people, aside from the sentry, to be up during the night. Of those two people, one was almost always Lauren; the other typically Nathan.

"I hate this game," Lauren said, scrutinizing the board, several nights later, for any available move.

"You're just not thinking about it the right way," Nathan returned, raising an eyebrow at her as she leaned forward, her head perpendicular to the pieces.

"I'm not good at strategy," she admitted, giving up and moving forward a pawn she knew would get clobbered.

"Well," Nathan said, pausing to focus for a moment on the pieces. "This is how you get good. You practice."

"This is too much thinking," Lauren said through a yawn. "I thought I wasn't supposed to be thinking if I wanted to sleep."

"You're not supposed to be thinking about sleeping," Nathan clarified. "Thinking about other things is allowed."

"What if those other things keep me awake, too?"

"Chess is keeping you up at nights?"

"You know what I mean," she sighed, watching as Nathan took her rook out of the game.

"No, I don't."

Lauren scrunched up her nose and shook her head slightly as she placed one finger on the top of her king.

They hadn't talked about it. They'd danced around it now for weeks, the way the seemed to dance around everything. It was a gentle back and forth between them that Nathan knew had to end. They needed to talk about it, to get it out there and out of the way. If they didn't, it would eat them both from the inside out. If it was up to him, Nathan would have never talked about it, but Lauren seemed determined in her subtle hints; there was no way to avoid it.

"You didn't do anything wrong," Nathan finally said, trying hard to get her to meet his eyes. "It was an accident."

"What… What if it wasn't?" she asked moving the piece still under her fingertip from side to side.

"I think you're asking the wrong person that question."

Lauren lifted her eyes, inadvertently letting the king fall on its side.

"You don't mean that," she said quietly.

"You realize you just forfeited," he returned, pointing to the board.

"Nathan," Lauren repeated, not willing to be distracted.

Nathan held her gaze for a moment before shaking his head.

"No, I don't. I just don't want you to feel guilty over this. If anything, it's my fault."

"You're not the one…"

"You're not the one he came after," Nathan quickly interrupted, suddenly angry. "If I hadn't been here, if I wasn't who I am, then none of this would have happened. I'm to blame for this. Not you. You did nothing wrong."

Nathan sat for some time staring at the board with a furrowed brow before ultimately slamming his palms on the table. He got quickly to his feet, crossing to the window with his back to her completely. This is exactly why he didn't want to have this conversation. Nathan didn't want to talk about these things with her, because he didn't want Lauren to know. The rational part of him knew that she already did, but to have to talk to her about it, to tell her himself was almost too much to take.

"I've done plenty wrong."

"You lied about your name, Lauren," he said with a humorless laugh, refusing to turn and face her. "It hardly compares…"

"What do you know about what I've done?" she asked, her voice suddenly sharp and full of tears.

Nathan finally twisted around towards her. Lauren's face was flushed with anger.

"What do you know about me at all?" she asked in equally harsh tones.

"I didn't…"

"You know," she interrupted, taking a few steps towards him as she did, "just because they're not yours… that doesn't make my… I've done things that I'm not..."

"What have you possibly done?" Nathan snapped, irrationally irritated by her response.

"I killed someone."

"It was an accident," he repeated firmly.

"I'm not talking about Tom," she said, angrier now than he'd ever seen. "That wasn't the first time that's happened." Lauren paused, taking a deep breath to collect her composure. "The first time… The first time I ever used this… this thing, I killed someone with it."

"It's not the same."

"Don't tell me that," she bit back, her whole body shaking. "You have… My mother left me in charge. She put… she put me in charge of my sisters and told us to run. You don't know…" Lauren stopped, again needing a moment; this was something she didn't talk about, and it showed. "We stayed too long. We stayed too long in the city and by the time we knew we needed to leave, it was too late. There were gangs of people, groups that would go around… They broke into our house one night and my mother told us to run. I just left her there, Nathan. I didn't go back for weeks, not until… Taylor had been sick even before this whole thing started. She just kept getting worse and I didn't know what to do. When she died, that's when I went home again and found my mother."

Lauren stopped, wiping her eyes and wringing her hands.

"When it was just the two of us, I still thought it would be alright. We stayed out of sight. We were so careful and then… then the subways started to flood. I thought I knew which ones were safe and I was wrong. We got separated and… and I found her body three days later. I took her home and buried her and that's… After all that, that's when… He surprised me. I don't know who he was, but I knew why he was there. I'd seen him before. He was one of the men that had broken in that first night. He'd helped kill my mother."

"He'd have killed you, too," Nathan quietly added.

"I know," Lauren said with a nod, meeting his eyes. "It was self-defense but, I wanted to do it. I was so mad. I wanted him dead for what he'd done and then this… this gift," she said, practically spitting out the word, "it made it happen. I made it happen. I saved myself, but when I needed it, when I really needed to save my family… What kind of person does that make me? I killed someone, and I've always wanted to believe it was an accident, but it wasn't. Doesn't that make me a bad person?"

"Of course it doesn't."

"Why not?" Lauren asked, moving closer; resting her hand on his shoulder in an effort to make him face her. "Why am I exempt and…"

"Because you were doing what you had to do, Lauren," Nathan returned, attempting to step back, but she wouldn't let him go. "You had no choice. You were protecting yourself. It was a reaction; an instinct. You didn't set out to murder anyone. You didn't track this person down. He came after you. It was an accident. That's… that's how we're different. You were put into a situation… you were forced to do these things. The things I've done weren't forced upon me. The things I've done weren't accidents."

"Would you do them again?"

Nathan stared at her, not sure if he should be mortified that she even had to ask or frustrated by her persistence.

"If you were put in that same situation," Lauren continued, "would you do it again?"

"No," was his short and full answer.

Lauren only continued to stare at him and wait for him to admit what that really meant. That he could pretend he was one person, but he was actually someone else entirely.

"It's different," he finally said, still only half facing her way and unable to stand her silence. "You have to see that it's different. Even if… I can't change. People won't care if I have. It won't make any difference to them."

"It does to me."

Nathan moved slightly and her hand slid down the length of his arm into his. Stepping forward, he took hold of her free hand so that the stood face-to-face; a breath apart. Lauren gazed up at him, and he knew that the decision was completely his; she'd never make it; she'd never dare to. But he still couldn't do it. Instead, Nathan squeezed her hands once in his, dragging them away to rest briefly on her shoulders; giving her a smile that was nearly a grimace.

"You're too good," he said, walking away from her while he still could; unable to look her way as he continued on. "But I'm not. I haven't changed. I'm still the same. Exactly the same as I was before."

Lauren didn't follow him this time. She remained silent, where he'd left her. The space between them suddenly as far as it had once been near.

"Is that why you keep walking away from me?" she asked, her voice just starting to falter. "You think I'm too good for you? That I wouldn't want…"

"I don't care what you want," he said peevishly. "It's better this way."

"How is this better?"

Having nothing to say, he only shook his head unknowingly, refusing to back down, before the sound of footfalls heavy on the porch ended their conversation completely.

"Wait in here, please," Mohinder could be heard clearly saying as the door shut.

Nathan and Lauren exchanged curious, half-worried glances, before moving towards the foyer, only to be met at the doorway by Mohinder.

"Good," he said upon seeing them. "I was afraid no one else was up. We have visitors."

Nathan poked his head around the corner, catching sight of a man and a young girl sitting idly at the kitchen table.

"And you brought them in?" Nathan asked incredulously.

"What was I supposed to do?" Mohinder fired back in a low whisper.

"I'll get Peter," Lauren said, but before she made it even three steps up the staircase, Peter was on his way down.

"What's happening?" he asked, still pulling a shirt over his head but otherwise alert.

Mohinder quickly explained that, while on duty, he'd seen the two of them heading for one of the barns. He'd confronted them, learned that they were just looking for a place to spend the night, and then asked them to join him in the main house.

Peter nodded, thinking it over for a moment.

"Lauren," he said quietly. "Do me a favor? Would you go and get D.L. for me?"

"Sure," she said with a nod, casting a quick glance at Nathan before hurrying off.

"What do you need him for?" Nathan asked.

"Just in case this goes badly," Peter answered, taking a deep breath. "Okay, let's go meet them."

"Maybe I shouldn't…" Nathan said, hesitating to be a part of this.

"No," Peter urged. "I need you there. Trust me."

Nathan only nodded, and the both followed Mohinder back out into the kitchen.

"Sorry about that," Mohinder said.

"It's alright," the man said with a weary smile, standing to meet them. "Can't be too careful nowadays, right?"

Nathan gave the man a good once over. He was probably in his late-twenties with a mop of brown hair and the beginnings of a beard. The girl was much younger, but not quite young enough to be his daughter. She was thirteen at least, with blond hair and large, doe-like eyes. The man caught Nathan staring and reciprocated the favor. It didn't take him long to place Nathan's face, that much was sure. How it affected remained to be seen; his face was a mask of friendliness.

"No," Peter answered after a brief pause. "You can't. Do you mind if we have a little talk?"

Peter smiled tightly, waiting and watching as the man gave him a nod.

"I didn't catch your name," Peter said quickly.

"Ben," the man said. "And this here is Rebecca."

"You've met Mohinder," Peter said. "And my brother, Nathan."

"Petrelli," Ben said with a nod, still smiling and unaffected. "Yeah, I thought so. You must be Peter then. Am I right?"

For a moment the room got very tense, no one quite sure what might be about to happen. And then Rebecca tugged on Ben's coat, he leaned over to hear what she had to say, and laughed right out loud when she'd done.

"Yes," he said to her, still laughing a bit. "I suppose they must be."

"Why are you here?" Peter asked.

"That's a good question," Ben said. "I could ask you the same, but I'm not sure it would do us any good. Rebecca and I are here because we've nowhere else to be."

"Is she your daughter?" Nathan asked.

"Well, I know you've guessed she's not," Ben returned. "But, she might as well be. We've been together now for three years. She's got no one else."

"You didn't answer me," Peter said, still clearly uneasy about all of this, even though Mohinder and Nathan had both relaxed considerably. "Why are you here?"

"It's quite a story," Ben said, fighting back a yawn. "You got a place for Rebecca to lie down? It's been a long night."

Peter seemed to soften a bit, motioning for them all to move back into the living room and even sat down with them, despite his nerves. Rebecca slid right up next to Ben and fell asleep even before he'd begun to speak.

Ben explained how he'd been living in New York five years back, how he'd gotten out of the city but instead of heading south with nearly everyone else, he went north. He'd gotten into Canada and stayed, even though they'd had as many problems as the former United States had. No place was what it once was.

At about the point where Ben went into how he'd found Rebecca, Lauren returned with D.L. and Micah. No one interrupted the man as he spoke, just gave him their quiet attention. Ben explained that Rebecca's parents had been killed, or at least he thinks that's the case. He wasn't even sure her name was Rebecca, but she seemed to like it. Since being together they've just tried to lay low and survive.

Nathan watched Peter's eyes move to D.L., silently telling him to be wary.

Ben must have caught the look, turning to see who it was directed at and giving him a wan smile.

"Do you know them too?" Peter asked, curious to know if maybe the man was gifted.

"I'm guessing now," Ben said, as if it might be a good joke, "I had help the first time. I'd at least seen pictures of your brother there. But, just a guess, I'd say Parkman and… Claire? I don't know you though," he said, nodding his head to Micah. "Sorry."

"You don't know us either," D.L. said evenly.

"So, not Parkman then," he said to D.L. before turning his attention to Lauren. "And?"

"Not Claire," she answered evenly, costing Nathan a smile.

"How did you know any of our names?" Peter asked, more curious now than before.

"Are you kidding?" Ben returned, facing him once more. "You're like urban legends. Half the world doesn't think you exist; thinks it all stories and propaganda made up by the Order or the Commonwealth… whoever's in charge this week."

"Huh," Peter said, taken aback by the news.

"You're serious," D.L. said, sounding surprised as well.

"Course I am," Ben said. "Word gets around, gets twisted around and then voila: legends. It's actually quite strange to be here now. I'll admit, I always thought you'd existed, but…"

"You didn't think we were still alive," Nathan finished.

"No," he said. "I didn't."

Peter stole a glance at Nathan, who without having to be asked nodded in agreement.

"Ben," Peter said, getting to his feet. "You and Rebecca are welcome to stay as long as you like. We don't really have any rules, but we all work together to get things done and will expect you to do your share."

"I appreciate it," Ben said, getting to his feet as well and shaking Peter's hand. "I'll have to talk it over with Rebecca, see what she wants, but I think she might like it here. I think I might too."

There wasn't much more to say. Peter preferred them staying in the main house, at least for the first night. He didn't say it, but everyone knew it was so that he could keep an eye on them. So, Peter showed them to their rooms, and the rest of the party broke as well. If they wanted to stay permanently, they could always move into the fourth house that had been restored for Tom and the rest, but had since been abandoned.

Nathan had tried to catch Lauren's attention, had not wanted to part with her so apathetically, but didn't get the opportunity. She slipped out the door with Mohinder almost immediately after Peter had invited Ben and Rebecca to stay.

Over the next few weeks everyone began to grow accustom to both Ben and Rebecca. Ben was rather boisterous and could usually be found laughing, but had immediately made himself usefully and was unafraid to do whatever work was asked of him. Rebecca was nearly his complete opposite. She was timid, she was shy, but after a day or two spent shadowing Claire, she began to open up to them all. She was a sweet girl who had seen too much death in her thirteen short years. It was hard not to like her. Nathan only wished the same couldn't be said for Ben.

"No, I'm serious," Nathan heard Ben saying, followed shortly by the sounds of laughter.

Nathan walked into the kitchen and didn't bother with hellos. Claire, Lauren and Bethany were all there, happily chatting with Ben; the same way he'd found them all for the past three days.

"You can't be," Bethany said in-between laughs. "I don't believe you."

"But it's true," he insisted. "The guy was amazed. Thought I was the next Houdini."

The three women all laughed again before Claire finally turned and caught sight of Nathan.

"Morning," she called out, catching the others attention.

"Hi, Nathan," Ben said. "Join us for breakfast?"

"No," Nathan said briskly, noting how Lauren was resolutely looking away from him. "Thank you. I'm in a hurry. Mohinder and I are going over the fields this morning."

"Weren't you going with them?" Claire asked, turning suddenly to Lauren.

"Um…" she stammered out at first. "No. I was but… Hiro's going instead."

Claire frowned slightly as she looked back at Nathan. Nathan did his best to appear unaffected by it, but was certain by Claire's face that he'd failed. Without saying any more, he left the kitchen only to hear the sound of laughter escaping the room even before he was out of the house.

Nathan walked at a quick pace to where he was to meet Mohinder and now Hiro as well, trying to shake off his foul mood. He hadn't had a chance to talk to Lauren since that night and was beginning to have some serious doubts as to whether or not he'd done the right thing. No, not doubts; regrets.

The three of them spent a good part of the morning walking over the fields, deciding what needed to be harvested and the best ways to go about it. The farm wasn't large, but it was large enough to keep them all well fed. Nathan tried to remain focused, but Lauren kept springing to mind.

Nathan knew this would happen, which is why he'd done his best not to be in the situation to begin with. He should have contented himself with her friendship. Nathan hadn't even thought that had been possible, so he really shouldn't ask for more; he should be satisfied.

But he was selfish, and Nathan knew it. Self-denial was not his strong point. Self-denial actually made up no part of his character whatsoever. Walking away from her was getting harder to do, especially when he'd wanted so much to stay.

What it came down to was that, even if it was what he wanted, even if it was what she wanted, Nathan couldn't allow it to be; he couldn't hurt her and that was the inevitability of the situation. In the end, he would. Nathan had hurt or destroyed everyone he'd ever loved. It was just who he was.

"I think that's it," Mohinder said, clapping his hands once and smiling. "Thank you both. We should start next week."

"Great," Nathan said, turning to go back inside.

"Nathan," Hiro called after him. "Do you have a minute?"

"Of course," Nathan said, watching as Mohinder headed off in the opposite direction, purposefully leaving the two of them alone. "What do you need?"

"Just to talk," Hiro answered. "About Lauren."

"Alright," Nathan said evenly, but he could already feel himself tensing up.

Hiro took a long pause, as if really searching for the right words. It only served to make Nathan more uncomfortable.

"I'd like to know what your intentions are towards her," Hiro finally said.

"You sound serious."

"I am serious," Hiro said firmly.

"Okay," Nathan said with a crisp nod of his head. "But I'm really not sure what business this is of yours."

"I'm her friend."

"Yes, well," Nathan argued, "that doesn't exactly entitled you to my business, does it?"

"I don't think you understand me," Hiro said, shaking his head. "I'm your friend too, Nathan. It's not my place to say yes or no, or to tell either of you what to do. I only want to know that you're serious. I only want you to ask yourself that question."

"Stop," Nathan said, waving his hand and shaking his head harshly. "That's enough. Really. Let me just tell you, truthfully, I have no intentions towards her. Absolutely none. She's a nice girl and I want to see her happy. That's it."

Hiro nodded thoughtfully for a second.

"You might want to think about that, too," he finally said.

"About what?"

"She's not happy," Hiro answered before turning down his own path, away from Nathan. "Neither are you. You might want to think about why that is. Ask yourself, why that is."

Nathan tried to ignore the conversation he'd had with Hiro. He didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to examine the problem. Unlike Hiro, Nathan knew that he couldn't really make Lauren happy. It just wasn't possible. Things were better off as is. She'd be better off without him.

"Good morning, Nathan," Ben said as he came into the kitchen the very next day.

Nathan barely looked up from his coffee cup to nod in the other man's direction.

Ben watched him for a moment, pouring his own cup, before sitting across from Nathan at the table.

"You don't like me much, do you?"

"I don't like anyone much," Nathan returned completely unembarrassed.

"Fair enough," Ben said, taking a sip from his cup.

Nathan had thought he'd done it, had thought he'd been just rude enough for the other man to leave him alone, but Ben was only momentarily deterred.

"She thinks you're haunted."

"I'm sorry," Nathan said, lifting his eyes with a curious expression. "What?"

"Rebecca," Ben explained. "She thinks you're haunted. That's what she does."

"Is it now," Nathan muttered, staring out the window and trying to appear unconcerned.

"It is," Ben went on. "Says it's your fault. That you can't let go. But, Rebecca's not always right. She thinks a lot of people are haunted. Places too."

"Excuse me," Nathan said, standing to go.

Nathan retreated to his room, not feeling up to being around anyone at the moment. He was slipping back into his old habits of escape. Hiding when he didn't want to be seen or talked to.

He stayed up there for nearly the whole day until late in the afternoon a series of sharp raps on his door interrupted his solitude.

Nathan opened the door on Peter who looked nearly frantic.

"I can't find Claire," he said quickly. "Did she say anything to you? Do you know…"

"What do you mean you can't find her?" Nathan asked.

"I mean I've looked…" Peter said, struggling momentarily to maintain his composure. "She's not here. She's not at any of the other houses. I've looked everywhere. She's just gone, Nathan."

"Who saw her last?" Nathan asked, already making his way downstairs.

"Bethany says she saw her before lunch with Rebecca, but after that…"

"Peter," Hiro yelled from the front of the house.

"Did you find her?" he yelled back.

"No," Hiro said, meeting them at the bottom of the steps. "But we've checked all the barns and sheds. The basements, the attics… Lauren's gone too. Same as Rebecca."

"What?" Nathan said sharply, looking from Hiro to Peter in complete shock.

"Could they have gone somewhere together?" Hiro asked, evidentially not for the first time. "To town? To the river? Anywhere, Peter… Did any of them say anything like about that?"

"No," Peter said, shaking his head. "I told you already."

"They have to be somewhere," Hiro said with worry. "Someone had to have said something… saw something…"

"I'll go up and take a look around," Nathan quickly offered. "I should be able to spot them from the air."

"That's a good idea," Peter readily agreed.

"Guys," D.L. called out, jogging in to join them. "Mohinder called; he's seen them. They're on their way back."

Hiro dropped his head, shaking it slowly as if relieved. Nathan felt it too, that sudden release from terror. Only Peter still looked livid.

Half an hour later Nathan, Lauren, and Mohinder all sat on the front porch trying not to listen too much to the fight going on inside. The three of them had only been on the other side of the river, having gone to pick blueberries. Ben had already had a long talk with Rebecca about the dangers of wandering off, and like everyone else decided it might be best to be someplace else for the rest of the day.

"We didn't think we'd been gone so long," Lauren said quietly.

"It's easy to lose track," Mohinder said kindly. "But you really should have just told someone."

Lauren nodded in agreement. Nathan still couldn't bring himself to speak on it.

"He's so mad," Lauren whispered.

"He was scared," Nathan explained, understanding completely how Peter felt at the moment.

Mohinder nodded slowly before letting out a short laugh. "I always thought you were the one with the temper, Nathan."

"Common mistake," Nathan said after a pause to clear his throat. "Everyone makes it. It's because Pete's the nice one and I'm, well, I'm not. They expect us to be opposites, but he's always been like this. All his moods. When he's up, he's up and when he's down… Pete's never had much control over it, but he means well."

"Yes, well, I can't sit here anymore," Mohinder said, standing to go. "Come join us for dinner. I doubt they'll be done any time soon in there."

Lauren and Nathan sat for another moment, listening as the house finally grew silent.

"I'm sorry if…" Lauren started to say before shaking off the thought and getting to her feet.

"Don't," Nathan said quickly. "You don't need to apologize, or to go. If you don't want to."

Lauren seemed to consider it a minute, watching him as if for a sign. Nathan averted his eyes, unable to meet her scrutiny.

"I'll go," she said, decided.

Nathan said nothing, only continued to look away as he rubbed one hand first across his mouth and then through his hair in frustration.

"Lauren," he called, getting to his feet and following her quickly down the path she'd begun. "Wait. Please, wait."

"What do you want?" she asked, clearly upset but stopping none the less.

"To talk."

"I don't think we have anything left to say to each other."

"Maybe not," he admitted.

"So what are we doing then?"

"Nothing."

Lauren pursed her lips tightly together before moving away from him again.

"I didn't mean that the way it sounded," Nathan said, catching up to her to explain. "I just meant that --"

"I know what you meant," she interrupted, stopping a few feet in front of her house before abruptly turning and moving off again.

"Where are you going?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes," Nathan answered. "It does. Considering what happened today, I think it matters a lot."

"I'm going for a walk," she said without looking at him, continuing on at a brisk pace.

"Can I come with you?"

"No, so stop following me."

"I'm not," Nathan said. "I'm also taking a walk. It just so happens I'm walking in the same direction as you are."

"Stop it," Lauren said as she came to a halt near the shed used to store all of the vehicles. Her eyes were already brimming with tears just on the verge of falling.

"Lauren," he said, reaching to take hold of her hand only to have her pull it free.

"I don't get it, Nathan," she said. "Is this a game to you? Is it a joke? Because, you need to just tell me. I can't… I can't keep doing this. Sometimes I'm sure I know and then… then you just push me away and say nothing to me for days."

"I'm not the only one pushing away," he interjected.

"I know," she agreed, with a much calmer voice. "This isn't easy. Nothing I feel is easy, Nathan. I don't know if you've noticed, I'm kind of a mess. I can't just talk about things and it's even stranger now…"

"Because of me. Who I am and what I've done."

"No," she snapped. "Because of me. Damn it, Nathan. I don't… I'd never even heard your name before I moved in with the colony. I didn't know you from anyone else. Who you were wasn't important to me. Not then."

Nathan stared at her in disbelief.

"Forget it," she nearly sobbed. "Just, forget it. I can't do this. You're happier being hated, and I can't… I'm tired. I can't do this for the both of us; I can barely do it for myself."

"I didn't ask you to do anything for me," he bitterly retorted.

"No," she sighed. "You didn't. But you did start… You came to me, I didn't…"

"Because I felt guilty," he admitted. "I came to you because I felt guilty and…"

"Then stop," she said, shaking her head angrily. "You don't have to feel guilty for anything you've said or done to me. I didn't ask for that. I only thought…"

"What?"

"It doesn't matter now."

"Yes, it does," he said, continuing to press the point. "I want to know."

"I thought you cared about me," she said, catching him off guard. "I didn't realize I was some project to you, or… It was stupid and I'm done because…"

"That's not…"

"Then what is it?" Lauren asked, having nearly exhausted herself. "You just need to tell me," she continued on in a near whisper. "I can't keep doing this. I can't keep expecting and waiting and… Nathan, just say it. Tell me you can't or you won't. Tell me you don't want --"

The rest of her words were lost as Nathan crushed his mouth to hers. There was nothing hesitant about it. He'd pulled her close in a rush of need, dragging his hands through her hair. Lauren didn't fight it, she encouraged it; pressing into him, into his embrace with clear passion. They moved easily together, as if completely dependent on one another.

Finally Nathan broke away, his mouth still hovering inches from hers. Short of breath, he held her there for a moment with his eyes still closed.

"Nathan," she whispered, her voice a shudder.

"I can't."

"What?" she asked, taking her arms from around him; stepping backwards, the hurt already clearly showing in her eyes.

"I can't do this," Nathan repeated, letting his hands fall free from her to rest at his side. His head down; his eyes still shut. "This isn't…"

Nathan trailed off, looking at her with his jaw set; unable to finish.

Lauren met his eyes and held it. Staring at him for what could have been an eternity. But Nathan was determined. He stared back, unyielding. He knew just how to sell it, having done so for years. Nathan knew how to live a lie and make it convincing.

"Okay," she said, the first to withdraw; the first to look away. "I said I wanted to know and now I do. You've told me and… you have to finish. You have to finish saying it. Make me hate you. That's what you really want, isn't it?"

"Lauren…"

"Say it," she snapped.

"I don't want you," he bit back, his eyes gone cold in an instant. "I never have. All of this has been wishful thinking, on your part, and it's… it's meant nothing to me. You mean nothing to me."

Lauren wiped the back of her hand frantically across her eyes, stung by his words but trying to appear otherwise.

"That's it then," she said with a nod, no longer able to even look at him; her voice bitter. "Thank you for telling me the truth."

Nathan nodded along with her, finally averting his eyes and refusing to look again until she had completely walked away.


	4. Autumn

**Seasons by SLynn  
****Rating: **PG-13 by default  
**Fandom:** Heroes  
**Season: **One/AU after Fallout  
**Characters/Ships:** Nathan, Peter/Claire  
**Disclaimer: **Not mine. Well, not all mine.

**Summary: **Nathan struggles to find his place during their first year in Maine. Post-'Revelations'.

* * *

"_October is a symphony of permanence and change."  
__Bonaro W. Overstreet_

_**Autumn**_

"Shouldn't you be outside?"

"I was about to ask you that," Peter returned as he took a seat next to Nathan.

"Yes, well, it's not my party, is it?"

Nathan felt Peter's eyes upon him, but wouldn't look up from his book.

"Nathan," he began.

"Let me save you the trouble," Nathan said, cutting across the rest of Peter's words. "I'm not going."

"Everyone is outside waiting…"

"Obviously not everyone, Peter," Nathan said as if completely unconcerned. "I'm not, and neither are you."

Nathan kept his eyes on his book, just catching Peter shake his head out of the corner of his eye.

"I don't know what to do about this," Peter said quietly, sounding more upset than Nathan had realized. "Nathan, I want to help you but I don't know how."

Nathan put down his book to give him his full attention.

"You don't have to do anything for me," Nathan said, turning to meet his brother's eyes. "You've done enough, Pete."

"No, I haven't," he argued. "I haven't if you're still…"

"My happiness is not your problem," Nathan interrupted. "You worry too much; about me and about everyone else. You want someone to worry about, worry about Claire. Concentrate on making her happy and I'll consider us even. Alright?"

"Nathan," Peter tried again, but he wouldn't listen. Nathan only shook his head indifferently and picked up his book again.

Peter stayed a minute or two longer before finally standing up to leave. He'd almost gotten out of the room before he walked briskly back to where Nathan still sat.

"Claire would be happier if you were trying harder."

"I am trying."

"That's crap, Nathan," Peter said harshly. "You know it is. She wants you to be a part of her life, and she's not the only one. And you'd rather sit here and wallow in your own misery."

"Wallow?" Nathan repeated as he stood up to face Peter.

"Yes, wallow," Peter returned. "You're wallowing. And that's saying a lot considering I'm the one who is supposed to have such a hard time controlling my emotions."

"You heard that?"

"I hear everything around here," Peter answered a matter-of-factly.

"I didn't mean…"

"It doesn't matter what you meant," Peter continued. "Nathan, I don't care about that. I care about you and I hate seeing you like this. I hate seeing you give up. To be honest, it's scary. It's really scary. You've never… you've never quit anything before and now… I'm worried about you. I know you think I shouldn't be or that I should just stop, but I can't. You're my brother and I love you and I can't stop any of that. I can't change it and I wouldn't want to."

Nathan nodded briefly with downcast eyes before enveloping him in a hug.

"I can't forget, Peter."

"You don't have to forget. Just forgive yourself already."

Nathan pulled back only to shake his head slowly; pulled away entirely and left the room without saying another word. He couldn't have this fight, not with Peter. Not so soon after what had happened with Lauren.

Instead of staying indoors, as he'd vowed to do since he'd learned that the little party they were having tonight would be held outside, Nathan moved quickly out the back door and off into the yard; stopping not far from the house and sitting near the wood pile.

He was angry; Peter had no right to tell him that he needed to forgive himself. Peter, of all people, who had never needed to be forgiven. He couldn't possibly understand. There was no way.

Nathan shook himself out of his bitter reverie, hearing the approach of footsteps behind him. Certain it was his brother, having followed him to continue their discussion, Nathan didn't turn around. And, after a pause, Nathan realized his mistake as whoever it was began to sift through the wood stack beside him.

"Do you need any help?" he asked, able to make out her silhouette despite the dim light of evening.

"No," Lauren said softly. "Thank you. I've got it."

"Are you certain?"

"Positive," she said, not bothering to look up from what she was doing.

Nathan nodded, having to content himself with her refusal. It was the most they'd said to one another since that afternoon where he'd been forced to lie to her. He watched, however, as she struggled briefly to hold tight to all that she intended to carry. He stood when, a few feet away, Lauren's balance got the best of her, and several logs fell to her feet. Then, without asking and without waiting to be asked, Nathan strode purposefully to her and picked up what had fallen, took what was still in her arms, and walked ahead of her towards the front of the house where she'd come from the party. He knew that she'd paused behind him, clearly unsure of how to handle the situation, but ultimately followed him without questioning it.

Nathan deposited the firewood and paused, stopping a moment to take in the decorations for the party.

"What do you think?"

Nathan turned, surprised to find Claire by his side; Lauren had already walked away.

"It looks good," he admitted. "Micah is what, eighteen now?"

"Sixteen," Claire corrected with a small smile.

"Really?"

"Yes," Claire said. "And as glad as it makes me that you approve my décor, I was actually talking about the other thing."

"What other thing?"

"Peter didn't talk to you?" Claire asked, her face furrowed in an oddly familiar way.

Nathan scowled, irritated to be attacked not once now in a night, but twice.

"Yes," Nathan said, a bit harsher than he'd intended to. "I've talked to Peter. And I don't need you bringing it up as well. I already know how you both feel, and you should know my sentiments by now. Let's not talk about it now. Let's not continue to ruin a perfectly good night."

"You're a real bastard," Claire said, her face white with rage as she stormed off.

Nathan didn't have time to even try and figure out how that conversation could have gone so badly, so quickly, when Peter was pulling him by the arm, off to the side.

"What did you say to her?" he demanded to know.

"Nothing," Nathan said as he wrenched his arm free.

"Then why is she so upset?"

"I don't know."

"You're unbelievable," Peter said, staring straight at Nathan.

"I'm unbelievable," Nathan repeated. "You know, you wanted me here and I'm here. I try and say something nice and… this is exactly why I didn't want to come. You know, Peter, if you'd just stay out of my business she wouldn't be so upset. She wanted to know about our talk and I told her exactly what I thought. I didn't realize she'd… what? What?"

Peter had begun to shake his head and laugh.

"This is my fault, Nathan," Peter said, smiling now as well. "I'm sorry. I'll fix it up with Claire. I'd forgotten why… I'm sorry."

"Great," Nathan said dryly. "Fix it with Claire. Now, would you like to tell me what the hell is going on here or am I going to have to guess?"

"Claire's pregnant."

Nathan stared at him disbelievingly.

"I was supposed to tell you before the party," Peter explained. "I just… I got distracted and… Well?"

"Well what?"

"You're not even happy for us, are you?" Peter said, his irritation beginning to show again.

"No," Nathan said quickly. "I am. I'm just surprised. But, it's really great, Peter. It is. I am… I'm very happy for you. For you both."

Peter paused, scrutinizing Nathan for a moment longer, before finally smiling and hugging his brother in celebration.

"I'd better go clear things up with Claire," Peter added, unable to stop smiling.

"Maybe I…"

"I've got it," Peter argued before rushing off. "It really is my fault. You know, just try and say something nice later."

Nathan watched him go, smiling now himself; trying to grasp the reality of the situation. Scanning the group of people gathered out on the lawn. All of them smiling and talking and going on with their lives. Making plans and making futures in ways Nathan couldn't fathom. Retreating from the scene, Nathan caught her out of the corner of his eye watching him but thought nothing of it. He still felt as if he hadn't deserved a future.

A few more weeks saw many changes in the area. Keeping a farm up and running required a lot of work, but it was impossible not to stop every now and then and marvel at the season. Autumn in Maine was a beautiful sight.

Nathan came into the kitchen in the morning not at all surprised to find Lauren wasn't there. She'd stopped beginning her mornings at the main house, and Nathan couldn't help but feel relieved.

Today it was just Claire, Peter and Ben. Claire, standing near the sink sipping a glass of water, more than a little green in hue. Peter and Ben sitting at the table with a few different glasses sitting between them; each filled about half full with water.

"How are you feeling?" Nathan asked Claire.

"Horrible," she sighed in-between tentative sips from her glass. "But it will get better."

"Sure it will."

"It does get better, doesn't it?" Claire asked, almost looking panicked.

"Don't lie to her," Peter said without looking their way. "Some women stay sick their entire pregnancies."

Claire looked stricken by the thought.

"Don't worry," Nathan said. "Heidi was only sick the first month with both…"

Nathan paled, stopping as it dawned on him what he was saying. Claire watched his reaction with concern, reaching out and rubbing his arm. Peter looked back in time to see Nathan smile at Claire.

"You should stick to small meals," Nathan continued, as if he hadn't stopped. "The blander the better. Am I right?"

"You are," Peter agreed.

"Weren't you in hospice care?" Claire asked with a skeptical smirk, meant to tease. "I'm not sure that qualifies you to be giving me advice about this."

"By all means then, listen to Nathan," Peter said, pretending to be affronted. "I'm sure his law degree is much more useful then my nursing experience in this situation."

"Weren't you just agreeing with me?" Nathan asked.

"Boys," Claire said with a laugh.

"Peter," Ben said after clearing his throat, catching his attention.

"Sorry," he replied, turning back to the table. "I'm supposed to be concentrating, aren't I?"

"It does help," the other man replied.

"What are you doing?" Nathan asked, taking a seat by Peter.

"Trying to copy Ben," Peter answered, leaning in close to the glass directly in front of him.

"It's not hard," Ben insisted, giving the glass a glance; setting the water inside spinning in a perfect whirlpool for a moment. "You've just got to concentrate."

"I am," Peter said, staring now at glass and trying to imitate the effect. "I just... it's water. There's too much of it. This is exactly why I couldn't work Jacobs' power. He was only manipulating air and I never felt comfortable. There was too much of it to worry about."

"That's only half a glass of water," Nathan pointed out.

"No," Ben said, disagreeing. "I get it. Water is everywhere. It's in the air. It's in our bodies. It's in the pipes running through this house. I get it. You're afraid of getting hold of the wrong bit; accidentally busting someone's head apart. Am I right?"

"Now that you mention it," Peter said with a worried nod.

"Well, I seriously doubt you'd do that," Ben said. "I know I keep saying it's simple, but I've had a few years of practice and it does take some effort and a lot of control."

"So you're just moving the water?" Nathan asked, curious now himself.

"Moving it was the first thing I'd done," Ben said with a nod. "I've gotten quite good. I can heat it and cool it now as well. I can almost create it. Made it rain once, but that could have been a fluke."

Nathan nodded, certain he wasn't hearing the entire truth. He'd never met anyone with a power who didn't downplay certain aspects. No one wanted to give away all that they could do.

"Ah," Ben said, looking at the doorway with a beaming smile. "Good morning, Lauren."

Lauren smiled his way briefly before catching sight of Nathan and turning to address Claire.

"Mohinder and I are going to ride into town. Is there anything you'd like us to look for?"

"I can't think of anything," Claire said with a shake of her head. "Peter?"

"If you see anything useful," Peter said, "but nothing specific, no."

Lauren moved slightly, silently questioning the remaining two in the room.

"I'm fine, thanks," Ben said.

Nathan just met her eyes and shook his head.

"Okay," Lauren said. "We should be back before dark and we'll have a radio so…"

Lauren seemed to be out of things to say, so she only smiled uncomfortably and left with a small wave.

"She's a sweet girl," Ben said not long after she'd left. "Shy, I take it. Most days I can hardly get a word out of her."

"She's not a girl," Nathan said evenly, glaring at Ben; catching the amused glance Peter threw back at Claire out of the corner of his eye.

"I didn't mean anything by it," Ben returned, surprised by Nathan's annoyance. "I was only making an observation."

"Maybe you should find someone else to observe."

"My mistake," Ben said, still keeping his voice friendly enough. "I didn't know you two had something going on."

Nathan felt Peter's hand on his shoulder, a gentle reminder to keep calm, but it wasn't needed.

"No," Nathan said after a heavy pause. "We don't. I was just giving you a bit of advice. Lauren doesn't like being called a girl because she isn't one. And she's really not someone you should piss off."

"Point taken," Ben returned, standing to go.

Nathan watched as he walked out of the room, still bristling despite his own best efforts.

"Was that necessary?" Peter asked as soon as he heard the front door shut.

"What?" Nathan asked back.

"What?" Claire repeated, hurrying over and depositing herself into the chair Ben had just occupied. "You're kidding, right? Nathan, you were threatening him. You can't do that."

"I was not threatening him," Nathan said, getting to his feet and pacing the room.

"No," Peter agreed sarcastically. "You just told him to stop talking to Lauren or else."

"Actually I implied that," Nathan corrected. "I never stated anything explicitly."

"Oh, yeah," Claire said. "That makes a world of difference."

"I'm sorry," Nathan finally said, leaning with his back to the counter. "I don't like him. And I don't like him talking like that."

"I don't think your problem is with Ben," Peter stated.

"And I don't think that it's your business," Nathan returned, leaving the room directly.

Nathan kept busy the rest of the day, doing his best to stay clear of Peter and Claire, and even of Ben. However, he ultimately decided it would be for the best if he made an appearance at dinner, knowing he'd been wrong. The least he could do was make an attempt at smoothing things over. They couldn't live in this close of quarters with that kind of animosity hanging over their heads, even if Nathan had meant every word of it.

"Where's Pete?" Nathan asked, seeing almost everyone else had already gathered in the dinning room.

"He's with Micah," Claire answered.

Nathan looked the room over once more and realized it wasn't just Peter and Micah missing; Mohinder and Lauren were gone as well.

"Is everything okay?" he asked, stepping closer to Claire and lowering his voice.

"Yeah," she answered, but her eyes were worried.

"Maybe I'll go…" Nathan started to say.

The lights first stuttered and then went out completely, pitching them into near darkness.

"I'll get some candles," Hiro could be heard to say, followed by the sound of footsteps going out of the room.

"I don't like this," Rebecca said, only loud enough to be heard.

"It's fine," Ben assured her. "Just fine. Happens a lot, I'm sure."

D.L. quickly repeated similar words of reassurance to the young girl, assisted eagerly by Bethany.

"Nathan," Hiro said so suddenly near it was startling. "Sorry. But, maybe we should --"

A loud boom shook the room as a sudden downpour of rain sprang from the sky outside.

Before anyone could react the front door banged open ushering in Micah, Mohinder and Peter.

"I'll try to restart the power," Micah said, hurrying off towards the basement.

"D.L.," Peter said quickly. "Go with him. Barricade the outer door. Claire, we need you here."

"What's going on?" she asked, surprised to see Mohinder leaning heavily into Peter.

"It's a scratch," Mohinder insisted as he slid into the nearest chair.

"You're bleeding," Claire argued, not sure what to do. "I can help…" she continued, looking at Nathan horrorstruck. He was still the only one that knew anything about her problem; her failed attempt to fix Nathan had been chalked up to stress. "I think I can."

"It's fine, Claire," Mohinder assured her. "I know you can't heal me."

Claire gaped at him before remembering he didn't have a power; she really couldn't cure him.

"Try," Peter quickly cut in. "It may work."

"Of course I'll try," Claire said immediately, the color draining from her.

"I think his leg is broke," Peter added, but couldn't stop to help. Instead he went back out onto the porch.

"Peter," Nathan called out, heading out to join him.

"Stay inside," Peter snapped.

Nathan turned instead to Mohinder, whose face had gone ashen. Bethany had slid in beside him now and was holding his hand, looking stricken.

"What's going on?" he asked him. "Where's Lauren?"

"She's outside," Mohinder answered. "Holding them off so we could get back."

"Holding who off?" Hiro asked as the lights flickered a few times without coming back on again.

"There're eight or nine of them," Mohinder said, each word heavier than the last. "Saw them in town."

"I can't," Claire said, her voice full of urgency. "I can't… it's not working. I can't stop it. I can't do anything…"

"We need to get something to wrap it in," Bethany supplied, getting up and heading quickly to the kitchen.

"I'm getting Peter," Claire said, starting for the front door only for Nathan to take hold of her arm.

"No," he barked. "You're not going out there. I'll get him."

"Claire," Bethany said, "I need you're help here. I don't think it's broke, but it's cut deep."

"Hiro," Nathan called out, "get everyone upstairs. Into the attic. We'll be up shortly."

"Right," Hiro said before urging the rest of them to their feet.

"I can help," Ben offered.

"Help Hiro," Nathan told him. "If it comes to it, help then."

Ben nodded, following Rebecca and Hiro up the steps.

"Mohinder, stay awake," Bethany said sharply as she began to wrap his leg.

Nathan gave them one more look, hoping Mohinder would be alright, before opening the door and staring into the suddenly stormy night. Well past the houses, Nathan could see the familiar blue half-dome of light showing him exactly where Lauren was, accompanied by equally brilliant flashes of lightning that could only be Peter.

He didn't think about it, only acted. Nathan was down the street and at their side in a blink of an eye. The rush of wind the only warning they got to his arrival.

"Nathan," Peter screamed above the noise of the storm he'd created. "Go back! Now! I told you to stay put!"

"Claire needs your help," he returned, yelling over the storm around them.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know, just go," Nathan answered. "I'll bring Lauren back. Hurry. Go, Pete. Now."

Peter paused only to consider it for a second before nodding and taking off, returning just as quickly as Nathan had arrived.

"Let's go," Nathan said to Lauren once they were alone.

"I can't," Lauren argued. "If I drop it they'll start shooting again."

"They won't get the chance," Nathan told her. "We'll be gone before they know it."

Lauren looked at him, clearly frightened, before turning her attention back to what she was doing. With one hand still up, still holding the main field in place, she pushed out her other hand with one quick motion and Nathan watched in fascination as a smaller blue orb-like object appeared about thirty feet on their left, knocking a previously unseen man off his feet.

"Okay," she finally agreed. "How do we do this?"

Nathan stepped in front of her, careful not to obscure her view, and wrapped his right arm around her waist. Lauren hesitantly put her right arm around his neck with a shuddery breath. He moved closer, pulling her completely into his arms, his head resting lightly against hers as he kept his eyes fixed on the place that would be their final destination.

"Just say go," Nathan whispered into her ear.

Lauren tightened her grip on him with her right arm before dropping the field with her left hand and calling out, "Go." Before she could even get her other arm around him completely, they were there.

They stood on the porch, still embracing, for a long moment almost unable to move; Lauren's whole body was shaking with either fright or adrenaline, Nathan wasn't sure which.

"Are you alright?"

"I think… I think I left my breath back there," she managed, her eyes wide as she continued to tremble.

"I'm sorry, I should have given you…"

"It's fine," she interrupted, beginning to calm down. "I just… that was…"

She stopped, seemingly embarrassed, and Nathan realized that he was still holding her as tight as he had when they'd been flying. Relaxing his grip, Nathan took a deep breath and hesitant step back. Lauren's arms slid from around his neck, resting on his shoulders; her fingers dug gingerly into his skin, as if unwilling to part with him completely.

"Get inside!"

Nathan and Lauren both turned their heads in unison at the sound of Peter's voice calling to them irately.

Lauren blushed deeply, hurrying across the threshold with Nathan just behind her.

D.L. and Micah were now with them in the foyer. Mohinder was apparently better, but there was a good amount of blood on him and the floor.

"How many are left?" Peter asked Lauren.

"Five," she answered. "I'd knocked one out, I'm sure, so that leaves five."

"Mohinder?"

"We only saw eight or nine to start with," he said, his voice shaky.

"I took out three of them," Peter said evenly, "so five sounds right."

"What's going on?" Nathan asked, not for the first time.

"We ran across them in town," Lauren answered. "It was Alison and Cal, and others we didn't know. One of them has powers; he can mess with the power. They came back…"

Lauren's eyes darted away from Nathan's, unable to finish. She didn't need to. Nathan knew why they'd come back.

"They spotted us and chased us back here," Mohinder added to the story. We couldn't radio. That guy they got with them killed it and the ATV. We had to run for it."

"What are we going to do?" D.L. asked.

"We're going to protect ourselves," Peter said evenly. "Mohinder," he continued, "I want you, Micah, Bethany and Claire upstairs in the attic with everyone else. Send Ben back down; we'll need him here."

Mohinder nodded uneasily as Bethany helped him to his feet, neither Micah nor Claire arguing the point.

It wasn't long before Ben had come bounding down the steps, looking only slightly apprehensive as Peter quickly explained the situation.

"Are you up to this?" Peter asked him, waiting only for Ben to nod 'yes' before issuing more orders. "Okay, D.L., you and Nathan need weapons. There's guns stashed in the basement. I'll want Lauren on the second floor. Nathan, you too. You should have a better view from up there of the grounds. Ben, D.L. and I will take this floor; one of us by each entrance. No matter what, don't let anyone into the house. If you need help, yell for it. Understood?"

Everyone nodded in agreement, and Nathan watched Lauren head upstairs before he turned to follow D.L. to the basement in order to retrieve a gun for himself.

That done, Nathan gave Peter a parting glance, and then headed upstairs. Lauren was still waiting at the top of the staircase, staring out the window that overlooked the front of the house.

"I figured this window, the one at the other end of the hall, and the two main bedrooms will be the best spots," Lauren said in a whisper.

Nathan nodded silently in agreement.

"We should probably keep moving, too," she added. "Spend maybe ten to fifteen minutes at each one. Keep opposite each other."

"I thought you weren't good at strategy," he said archly.

"Please," Lauren said, her voice wavering in the dark. "Not now. Don't joke, it's really not the time. I can't… my nerves can't take it. I'm barely…"

"I'm sorry," he said quickly and sincerely, taking hold of her lightly by the arms. "I'm just trying to lighten the mood."

"I know," she said, nodding slightly. "You don't have to. Just lie to me some more. Tell me it'll be fine and I'll believe it. I'll believe anything you say right now."

"It will be fine."

Lauren held his gaze a moment, relaxing as she leaned into him. Nathan shut his eyes, resting his forehead to hers as he pulled her completely into his arms.

"It will be fine," he repeated. "This is nothing. It's going to be over soon, I promise."

"You're a good liar," she whispered.

"Now who's telling jokes," Nathan whispered back.

Nathan could almost feel her brief smile as she tilted her head up slightly, brushing her lips lightly against his.

"How's it going up there?" Peter yelled from the bottom of the stairs, bringing them both back to reality.

"Great," Nathan yelled back as Lauren moved away, hurrying down the hall without saying anything more.

The next several hours were like torture. Peter came upstairs a few times to see how they were doing and more than once Hiro came out of the attic to offer assistance, but Peter insisted that everyone remain put. He wanted Hiro to use his powers only as a last resort, and only to get the rest of them as far out of the way as he could. He briefly explained that he'd picked Ben and Lauren to stay because they could do the most damage, and D.L. and Nathan because they had the best chances of escaping serious injury. Hiro had listened to his arguments and agreed, but not happily. However, Peter wasn't asking him to do it, he was telling him to.

Just as it seemed as if they might have overreacted and that their attackers must have given up, scared off by Peter's overt display, they proved again that they were determined to do some kind of damage.

Nathan was first alerted by the sound of glass shattering nearby as he'd been on watch in his own room. He wasted no time, dashing out the door and across the hall to the room shared by Peter and Claire; the room he'd last seen Lauren in.

"Left side!" Lauren shouted no sooner than he opened the door. "There's one on the left!"

Nathan peered over her shoulder and through the broken window, watching as she pushed a man backwards with a small blue wall of light.

"I panicked and forgot to open it," she said with a quieter voice, never taking her eyes off of what she was doing. "I forgot it would break."

"I don't mind," Nathan said indifferently. "It's not my room."

Lauren smiled before muttering at the man on the lawn to, "Stay down."

"Knock him over again and he will," Nathan advised.

"You should check the back of the house," she said, her eyes only darting his way for an instant.

Nathan briefly squeezed his shoulder before turning to do as she'd suggested.

"You both okay?" D.L. asked, having stopped at the top of the stairs.

"Lauren's got one pinned on that side," Nathan answered, indicating the direction with his head. "She thinks they might be trying to distract us."

D.L. gave him a quick nod and before Nathan had made it to the back window a small series of booms shook the entire house.

"What the hell was that?" Bethany said, opening the attic entrance almost directly above where Nathan stood.

"Probably Peter," Nathan said, in what he hoped was a reassuring tone; he actually didn't know what it was.

"It was," Lauren said, coming out into the hallway and moving with Nathan toward the back of the house. "My guy ran off. It's fine."

Bethany looked at them uneasily and then shut the entrance up again.

"Is it?" Nathan asked her quietly as he opened the back window for them to both take a better look.

"I don't know," she admitted to him in a quieter voice.

The stood side-by-side, watching out the back window for longer than they'd done for any previous stretch, expecting everything and nothing all at once.

"What's that there?" Lauren barely breathed, squinting off into the distance.

"Where?"

"Way, way out there," Lauren said, pointing off into the fields. "What is that? Is that…"

Nathan took hold of her hand and pulled it down with a laugh. "I think it's the scarecrow."

"Are you sure?"

"Quite sure," he said, having not let go of her hand just yet. "It hasn't moved since we've been here. No one in their right mind would be standing out there like that, in plain sight, while my brother is busy throwing lighting bolts."

"I think you're giving them too much credit," she returned with a chuckle. "Lightning didn't stop them the first time."

The sound of footsteps on the stairs finally made Nathan relinquish her hand, and even then it was reluctantly done.

"Hey," Peter said, just as they'd pulled apart. "I think they're gone. I just walked around the whole house and I can't see them anywhere. But, to be safe, we're going to keep watch. Are you both up to it?"

Nathan nodded, and they both turned to Lauren expectantly.

"Yeah," she said, also nodding. "Of course."

Peter smiled uneasily at them both. "And, um, maybe you two should split up. So, you know, we have more people watching different sides."

They both agreed, neither bringing up the fact that that was what they'd been doing until now. It wasn't worth the mention.

"I'll be back up every hour or so," Peter added before leaving them alone again.

Nathan and Lauren locked eyes briefly, but said nothing more.

They were up the whole night. No one slept and it wasn't until morning when they were able to walk around freely. Peter and D.L. went back into town to retrieve the ATV and to ensure the group had cleared out completely. They broke into smaller groups and every house was searched carefully, along with the barns and sheds. Nathan even checked from the sky. It looked as if they were really gone for good.

Exhausted, no one seemed capable of doing more than going over the situation, as they huddled, more or less, in the living room of the main house. They immediately set to devising new plans of action and of defense. Eventually that kind of talk died down and Hiro volunteered to stay awake while anyone who needed to rest did so. At first no one seemed willing to do so, but after Nathan saw Lauren's head dip forward three times in a row, he stood, went to her and led her by the hand out of the room.

"What is it?" she asked.

"You're going to bed."

"No," she objected, too tired to yank her hand from his as he continued walking with her up the stairs.

"Yes."

"I don't have a bed here."

"You can use mine."

"Nathan," she said, shaking her head and dragging her feet. "No. This isn't… I'm fine."

"I insist," Nathan said as he shut the door and marched her over to the bed. "Lay down."

"Fine," she sighed, her head hitting the pillow as he drew the curtains shut.

"You're already halfway there," he said, nearly laughing and moving to leave. "Get some sleep."

"Wait," she called out more lucid than before as she sat up. "Can you stay? For a little while until I'm asleep?"

"Just till you're asleep," Nathan promised.

He smiled tentatively at her before shutting the door; walking lightly across the room and taking a seat in his arm chair by the window. Lauren smiled back at him before shutting her eyes and Nathan watched her until he was sure she was asleep. Instead of leaving as he'd meant to, he stayed in the room, turning his thoughts loose in his mind.

She'd known he'd been lying. Lauren had known it and Nathan couldn't understand why she'd played along if that was true. Yes, he'd wanted her to believe it. He'd wanted Lauren to hate him, because that would be easier. But she didn't. Nathan smiled as it dawned on him, that she didn't hate him. She'd held him; she'd kissed him. She'd done that on her own.

The smile fell from his face as he remembered why he'd lied in the first place; to protect her. Nathan still wanted to protect Lauren from himself. He was no good for her. He was no good for anyone. Eventually he'd only make her miserable and Lauren didn't deserve that. What's more, Nathan didn't deserve to be happy.

Nathan's eyes darted back across the room, surprised to find hers open and staring back at him.

"You're supposed to be asleep," he said softly.

"I was," she said, sitting up partially. "You weren't going to stay."

"I changed my mine."

"Me too."

Nathan was hardly aware of the fact that he'd moved. It seemed one second he was sitting nearby her in the chair and the next he was sitting next to her on the bed. Lauren had pulled her feet up, allowing him room beside her; she'd sat up and leaned into him; her head falling gently on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm protectively around her waist.

"Do you think they'll come back?" she asked.

"No," he said, letting his cheek rest against the top of her head.

Lauren drew lazy circles on his knee with her fingers, perfectly content, as Nathan ran his hand up and down her back, feeling restless.

"Why not?"

"They know better now."

Nathan dragged his hand up her back, gently kneading her neck before resting it on her shoulder. Lauren sighed and shifted into him, snaking one arm around his back and squeezing and rubbing his leg with her other hand now.

"Why did you stay?"

"You ask a lot of questions."

Lauren moved first, craning her neck to look at him; meeting his eyes and daring him to go on. So Nathan kissed her, slow and deliberate. Taking in a moment he wasn't sure he'd get the chance to live again. It was all sighs and soft kisses in the near-dark. He pulled her completely into his arms as she wrapped her own around his neck, sinking deeper into this kiss, this thing between them.

Gradually their kisses grew in urgency. His hands slid beneath her shirt, pushing it up first with a gentle curiosity, and then finally away entirely as it became too much of an obstruction. She kept one hand on his neck, as if she had to hold him to her, as her other hand slipped down his chest, intent on touching his skin as she tugged loose the buttons the kept his clothes in place; pulling him with her as she laid back against the bed.

They moved instinctively together, struggling blindly to free themselves of all that remain between them; their inhibitions long gone or forgotten. Whatever hesitations she may have had overcome by desire, and his by need.


	5. Early Winter

**Seasons by SLynn  
****Rating: **PG-13 by default  
**Fandom:** Heroes  
**Season: **One/AU after Fallout  
**Characters/Ships:** Nathan, Peter/Claire  
**Disclaimer: **Not mine. Well, not all mine.

**Notes:** It is done. Thank you Tripp3235 for all the help. Thank you reviewers. Thank you readers. Enjoy!

**Summary: **Nathan struggles to find his place during their first year in Maine. Post-'Revelations'.

* * *

"_No winter lasts forever; no spring skips its turn."  
__Hal Borland_

_**Early Winter**_

"Weren't you at least going to say goodbye?"

The moonlight made it just bright enough for Nathan to see the look of mild contempt she cast at him over her shoulder as she continued to button up her shirt.

"I didn't think I needed to," she finally said as she resumed facing the wall.

"And that makes it okay?" Nathan asked, sitting upright so that the sheets slid down to his waist.

"I'm not sure if anything makes this okay," Lauren returned.

Nathan couldn't pretend he didn't know what she'd meant by that, so instead he chose to remain silent. For three weeks now they'd been sneaking off and falling into bed with each other whenever and wherever possible. Tonight it was at the fourth, still unoccupied, house; Ben and Rebecca having chosen to live with D.L. and Micah. It had begun accidentally and continued because Nathan had been too weak to stop himself.

"Really, Nathan," Lauren said, fully dressed as she sat down on the edge of the bed to pull on her shoes. "What are we doing here? What is this?"

"It's sex, Lauren," Nathan said, strangely perturbed by her question. "There's nothing wrong…"

"I know there's nothing wrong with it," she snapped in a fashion that made him think she wasn't being completely truthful. "And that's not what I meant."

"Then why don't you just tell me what you mean," he sighed.

"I meant is this just sex," Lauren clarified, raising her voice as she spoke. "Is that all this is to you?"

"It's not just sex," he began, "it's really good…"

"Damn it, Nathan," Lauren interrupted. "You know that's not... Please, stop playing these ridiculous word games of yours and just talk to me. That's all I want. One straight answer from you. Just one."

"You want a straight answer," Nathan said harshly, getting up now and pulling on his own clothes. "I'll give you an answer. You know what this is? It's a mistake. There. I answered you."

"Great," she nearly spit out, her back still to him.

"You know, I don't know what you expect from me," Nathan continued, growing angrier with each passing word. "It's just sex. It's about physical attraction and biological need. That's it. Am I supposed to bare my soul to you because of it? Am I supposed to wake up a different person? You can't really have expected this to change anything."

"Don't try to turn this on me," Lauren returned getting quickly to her feet. "The only thing I've ever asked from you was for you to be truthful, and you can't even do that. You can't just tell me…"

"What do you want me to tell you? That we're going to live happily ever after? Lauren, look around you. It isn't going to happen! You're always looking for reassurances that I can't give you. I can't meet your expectations."

"The only thing I'm looking for is someone to connect with, Nathan. I'm not asking you to say that this is forever; I just want you to say something. Anything, Nathan. I want to know that it's at least for today. Is that too hard for you? Is that asking too much?"

"Yes!" he yelled. "Why can't this just be what it is without us having to define everything?"

"Because I'm not a whore!"

Nathan, visibly stunned by the remark, turned a few small circles around the room as they both tried to compose themselves again.

"I don't think that," he finally said softly.

"But that's what this is like," she said, her voice not more than a whisper, but full of emotion. "I've been with men like you before, Nathan, and I swore... I can't keep doing this if it means nothing to you. I have to have some respect for myself."

"Men like me?" he repeated coldly. "I see. So, you can't respect yourself if you keep sleeping with me."

"That's not how…"

"I understood you fine."

"No," she said, shaking her head and moving towards him, truly apologetic. "No, you don't... I only meant…"

"I'm so sorry," he said with biting sarcasm. "If that's the problem, we can fix it easy enough. Set you up with a real nice guy. There are still plenty left hanging around. You had one lined up before --"

Lauren didn't let him finish. She slapped him hard enough to turn his head and leave a mark. Nathan knew, even before the words were out of his mouth that that was how it would be; that even a vague reference would be too much.

She was out the door and halfway down the hallway before he even realized she'd gone. Nathan, jogging quickly after her, called out to her, but she wouldn't stop. Lauren slipped on the last few steps, but even that wouldn't slow her and she wouldn't look back. Nathan followed her as far as the porch, but not further; watching until he saw her go into her own house just across the road before going back inside; the cold air of the night doing nothing to restore his calm.

Nathan quickly finished getting dressed before returning, still angry, back to his own house a few minutes later. Slamming the door shut behind him as he walked inside, he was startled to find Peter sitting at the bottom of the steps, apparently waiting for him.

"Not now," Nathan practically growled, moving past him and into the living room.

He'd just crossed the threshold when he felt Peter shove him from behind.

"What?" Nathan snapped at him, completely unprepared for how enraged Peter had become.

"You had no right to keep this from me," Peter yelled.

"Keep what from you?" Nathan asked with a raised voice, half-worried he had gone around the bend.

"Don't play dumb," Peter continued to yell. "She already told me. I already know."

"Peter, I don't know what you're talking about," Nathan returned sharply.

"Did she tell you she was sick, too? Did you just decide I didn't need to know?"

"Claire," Nathan said as it suddenly dawned on him. "Oh, God, is she…"

Nathan fell backwards, rattled and dazed as it dawned on him that Peter had hit him square in the jaw.

"Peter!"

Nathan was still shaking his head to clear it when D.L. ran into the room, looking grim as he pulled Peter out of it.

"Just go outside," D.L. ordered, practically pushing the other man out the door. "Take a walk or something, Peter. Cool down."

"What's happened?" Nathan asked as soon as the door had shut, still rubbing his jaw. "Is Claire…"

"She's fine," D.L. assured him. "Bethany is upstairs with her."

"Okay," Nathan said, clearly skeptical.

"She's sick," D.L. continued. "She had some cramping and…"

"And?" Nathan asked, moving to him with an alarming speed. "And what?"

"Bethany's worried about the baby."

"Worried but…" Nathan started to ask, but couldn't continue.

"She said we need to just wait and see," D.L. answered, clearly doubtful about the outcome.

Nathan nodded briskly before heading up the steps, only vaguely aware of D.L. calling him back. It didn't deter him. Nathan continued straight to the room Claire and Peter shared, only knocking briefly before edging the door open.

Bethany looked up sharply but relaxed upon seeing him, motioning him forward.

"How is she?"

"Sleeping," Bethany answered. "Did they tell you?"

"How bad is it really?"

"Peter said she collapsed after dinner," she answered. "Her fever is still pretty high, but it's come down. There wasn't any spotting, only cramps, so… I wish I was a real doctor. I think she and the baby will be fine, but that's…"

Bethany trailed off, shaking her head with a sad smile.

"Why don't you let me stay" Nathan said, indicating her chair by the bed.

"Sure," Bethany said, getting to her feet. "Just, come get me if you need anything or if she seems worse."

Nathan nodded, taking her spot and settling in for a long night. Half an hour later Peter crept into the room and took a seat on the opposite side of the bed without saying a word to him. It was easy to see he was still angry, but less so than before.

"She asked me not to tell you," Nathan said after a lengthy pause.

"Since when have you cared so much about what she asks?"

"That's unfair," Nathan said in a low voice.

"It's true."

Nathan chose silence, returning his eyes to Claire's still sleeping form.

"You're not going to deny it?" Peter asked, still glaring at him.

"Peter, if you want to fight with me, fine; we'll fight," Nathan returned with an icy indifference. "But I'm not doing this here. Or now. Do you understand?"

"Yeah," Peter said with a curt nod. "I understand. I understand a lot of things. Like how you just can't get over yourself, Nathan. I understand that. And Claire, she's doing this to herself. It's guilt. It's all guilt and self-pity in here. And it's not just here, there's nowhere…"

"Peter."

"…I can get away from it. No one will just stop and…"

"Peter!"

"…I can't make it stop or shut it up. It's all day and night now. All the time. It's everywhere and it's pulling my head apart. It's pulling me apart."

Nathan couldn't take it anymore. He moved, probably faster than he'd ever done, over to Peter and half-dragged him out of the room and into the bathroom next door.

"What are you doing?" Peter asked, once they were there; struggling as Nathan turned on the sink and held Peter's face to the running water. "What are you doing? Get off."

"You're bleeding," Nathan said tersely, finally catching Peter's attention.

He looked up into the mirror before covering his nose with his hand.

Nathan waited, sitting on the edge of the bathtub, as Peter cleaned up.

"How long?" Nathan asked as Peter twisted a towel in his hands.

"It's been on and off."

"For how long?" Nathan asked again, louder now.

"About a year."

"Peter," Nathan snapped, unable to hold back his initial shock.

"I know… I know I should have…" Peter said apologetically.

"You should have told someone," Nathan agreed. And then, sensing his rebuttal, added, "And it's not the same. Claire's problem just isn't. Her power is nothing like yours. It's no where near as dangerous, and you know it."

"I do," Peter reluctantly admitted, "but I really thought I could handle it. I thought… At first I thought it was that stupid list leaking information into my head, and then I knew it wasn't and I still…"

"Do you know what it is?"

Peter nodded uneasily. "It's Matt. It's… It's whatever he does now. However his power evolved… I picked it up and it's like a damn virus. It's not just thoughts now; it's emotions and memories; it's feelings. And the stronger they are, the worse it is. It happens all the time and I don't know how to shut it off."

"And you can't exactly ask him how he does it either," Nathan said in a low voice, truly concerned for his brother.

"No," Peter agreed, a note of anxiety in his voice. "Or talk to Claire. Not about this. She's just started to let go. If I brought him up again, I'm afraid it would bring that all back to her."

"You could have talked to me, Pete."

"I didn't… You've got enough to deal with," Peter shrugged.

"I never have so much that I can't help you."

"No offense, Nathan, but you do," Peter argued. "Right now, you do. You're… you're the worst one here. Being in your head is…"

Peter trailed off; both embarrassed by what he'd said that for a long moment neither could look at the other.

"Tell Claire."

Peter was already shaking his head before saying, "No."

"You two don't need me as your go-between and you can't be afraid to say things that the other may find unpleasant. She didn't want to tell you about her problem because of how you might react and you're doing the same damn thing. That's not going to work. Not for long."

"I don't want to upset her. I don't want her thinking that I'm going to leave her too because I can't handle this."

"Do you love her?"

"Of course I do…"

"Good," Nathan said, quickly cutting him off to continue. "Then you need to rely on her. That's all there is to it. Through good and bad and everything in between."

"It feels like I've forgotten how to be a person," Peter sighed. "Everything that's happened..."

"All of that's going to look easy compared to what's to come," Nathan said.

"What if…" Peter began fearfully, unable to complete the thought aloud.

"I don't know," Nathan said, shaking his head. "You'll get through it. You'll have to. Together.

Peter nodded uneasily, letting it sink in for a moment, before quietly saying, "I'm sorry I hit you."

"It's fine," Nathan said, even managing a smile.

"No, it's… I'm going to get control over this. I am."

"I know you will."

They both stood to go, Nathan clapping Peter on the shoulder as he led the way back to the room.

"Why don't I give you two some privacy," Nathan suggested.

"Thanks," Peter returned, stopping Nathan and hugging him before he got too far.

Nathan watched the door shut on them, but he didn't feel he could sleep. So, instead of going to his own room, he went back downstairs to the living room to wait out the rest of the night. The next thing he knew the front door banged open, ushering in daylight and the sound of familiar voices.

"You could have woken me," Mohinder was saying, quite perturbed.

"I tried," Bethany argued. "D.L. tried. We all tried. You were out cold. You're here now, so…"

"Yes, but…"

"But nothing," Bethany said, ending it. Catching Nathan's eyes on her, she smiled before addressing him. "How did she sleep?"

Nathan stood up and suppressed a yawn. "Good, last I checked."

"Let's go up then," Mohinder said, tentatively taking the steps; his leg still sore and not fully recovered.

"How's Peter?" Bethany asked, climbing the steps slowly to await an answer.

"Better," Nathan said.

She gave him a smile, and Nathan watched their progress up the steps before retreating to the kitchen. Before he'd even finished making the coffee, the sound of the front door opening again could be heard from the foyer.

Nathan cast a glance over his shoulder as Lauren entered the kitchen, stopping in her tracks just inside the door.

"I…" she stammered, momentarily stunned. "I just found out… D.L. said Claire was sick. How is she?"

Nathan kept his back to her for a moment, needing a moment, before replying, "She's fine. At least, we think she is."

Lauren, clearly conflicted, continued to hang in the doorway, neither in nor out of the room with him. Nathan, collected once more, faced her fully and, despite the realization that they were both still in the clothes they'd been wearing last night, gestured to the coffee as he took a seat at the table. She paused only briefly before pouring her own cup and sitting across from him expectantly.

"I didn't do that, did I?"

It only took a second for him to recollect. Rubbing his chin he smiled, "No. You're hardly the only person here who's deserved to take a swing at me."

"I shouldn't have hit you," Lauren returned, staring down into her cup. "I'm sorry about that."

"No," he countered. "You were completely justified. I was entirely out of line."

"I meant the rest though," Lauren continued. "I can't keep doing this, Nathan. It's not… it's not healthy, for either of us."

Nathan knew it was true, and that it was time to stop playing games and just admit it. "About that…"

"No," Lauren interrupted, back on her feet. "There's nothing left to say."

"There's plenty left to say, Lauren."

"There really isn't," she said, backing up and out of the room. "I know how you feel; or rather, I know how you don't feel. I don't want to keep going over how stupid I've been and… and that's it."

"That's not it," Nathan said, on his feet now, closing the distance between them with hurried steps. "Lauren, you… you've got this wrong. It's not…"

"How have I got this wrong?" Lauren asked, with a bitter laugh as they both moved into the foyer. "How could I possibly have gotten it wrong? You told me you were tired of my expectations. That's pretty clear, Nathan."

"I didn't mean it."

"It felt like you did," Lauren said, shaking her head with a false smile on her face. "And that's fine. It really is. My mistake."

Before Nathan could rebuff her claims, their attention was caught by the sound of quick footsteps coming down the steps.

"Nathan," Peter said as soon as he'd caught sight of him, momentarily overlooking Lauren. "She's okay. She's really okay. Claire and the baby. I heard the heartbeat. It's… it's amazing. You've got to come up. She wants to talk to you."

"Give us a minute," Nathan said, his eyes moving back to Lauren.

Peter's eyes fell on her as well, his smile fading as it dawned on him what was going on.

"No," she said, forcing her smile to remain in place, her eyes shifting between the two of them without ever making contact. "You should go. We're done here anyway. It's great, Peter. It's great. Tell Claire I'll come by later, okay?"

They both watched as she hurried out the door, unable to stop her by any protests or proclamations.

"Nathan," Peter started, still halfway down the steps.

"Don't," he interrupted. "Just, don't. I don't need you telling me what I've done wrong now. I know."

Peter looked at him for a long moment before nodding briefly and heading back up stairs. Nathan took a minute longer, taking a deep breath or two to steady his emotions, before going up after him, looking to be made happy if only for a moment.

Claire really was better. Whether her powers finally just kicked in on their own, or if Claire had willed them to work again, they didn't know. No one cared. It was a relief either way. Both Mohinder and Bethany were insistent that she take it easy for a few days, but by the end of that first night it was clear there would be no relapse.

The next few weeks Nathan watched as Peter seemed to improve as well. He was still a bit irritable, but nothing like he'd been previously. He hadn't come out and told Nathan that he'd finally confessed what was wrong to Claire, but only because he didn't have to. It was obvious. The two of them were closer than ever, and if Nathan had thought himself uneasy as their go-between, he found it was better than being their shadow.

He wasn't bitter about it, only a little sad; not that he'd tell them. This delayed honeymoon period they were now living in was well deserved, for each. If only it wasn't so hard to live with, Nathan felt he could be happier for them. As it was, he couldn't even escape it, and their closeness was grating because he had nothing similar in his life now, and no chance for it in the future. Nathan had wrecked that chance, likely his last, for good. Lauren wouldn't come near him.

At about this time Hiro, who had resumed his scouting missions earlier in the month, returned. He'd made a fairly expansive trip, traveling as far south as Boston, and well north into Canada.

"So it's definite?" Peter asked Hiro across the dining room table as they all sat down to eat.

"I would say so," he answered. "It isn't large now, only twenty or thirty people, but they've moved into our old place and look as if they plan on staying."

"Did you contact them at all?" D.L. questioned.

"No," Hiro said, shaking his head animatedly. "No. I don't think they'll be a problem for us, but I didn't want to take the chance. There were too many of them."

"Any like us?" Claire asked, a phrase so common that, even though Mohinder and Bethany weren't actually included in it, they were considered so by everyone present.

"A few that I saw," Hiro returned. "Very few. I'm not sure how many of us are left. It used to be that we were everywhere, but I'm afraid Yi did too good of a job purging the population."

"What about the Order?" Nathan asked, knowing he would have to; no one else would bring it up around him. "The Republic?"

"The Order is rebuilding," Hiro said evenly. "From what I gather a man named Fuller is running things, but many people have fled. The Republic seems completely dead. I think that's what's pushing people north. There was some kind of influx from the Republic not long ago that has strained resources."

"I'll poke around their old systems tonight," Micah offered. "See if they've rebuilt that yet."

Peter nodded before asking, "Do you think we should be worried yet, Hiro?"

"Not of the Order," he answered. "I think we may have more problems from the Commonwealth."

"Where have I heard that before?" D.L. asked.

"Probably from me," Ben provided with a shake of his head. "The Commonwealth is the reformed Canadian government. It has been mostly benevolent, but…"

Ben shrugged, not sure how to describe it.

"It's kind of cult-like," Bethany provided.

"How so?" Mohinder asked.

But Bethany just shut her mouth tightly and shook her head, not willing to give any further information.

"Women are, um…" Ben said, blushing deeply as he spoke, "communal."

"You can't be serious," Claire said sharply.

"Haven't you noticed that we're not as many as we used to be?" Bethany asked back to her.

Claire shared a puzzled look with Lauren, before looking around the table; it finally striking her that there was nearly twice as many men as women. Nathan noticed that Rebecca began to shift uneasily in her chair, prompting Ben to lock eyes with Peter in a silent plea to end this discussion.

"How close are they to us?" Peter asked, trying to wrap it up, but still needing to know.

"Not close enough for us to be alarmed," Hiro returned. "But we should stay alert."

"Okay," Peter said with enough finality to stop at least three questions before they could be asked.

The rest of dinner went by uneasily. No one talked much, and they'd all waited until Rebecca and Micah had gone to bed, the latter protesting rather loudly, before recommencing the previous conversation.

"Where's Hiro?" Peter asked, looking around; surprised to find him gone.

"He stepped outside with Lauren," Claire answered. "Said they'd be a minute and to start without them."

Nathan couldn't help himself, turning his head in the direction Claire had indicated; just catching sight of the door shutting the two of them outside of the house.

"Okay," Peter nodded before turning to Ben. "What can you tell us?"

"Not much that hasn't been said already," he answered. "There are parts that are completely free of Commonwealth influence and others that aren't. Most of it, like the Order, is concentrated on the east coast. It's all ran by a man named McKellar. He stepped up after Famine swept the country. Decided the only way to stop him was to breed up as many normal people as he could."

"Stop who?" Peter asked, sensing he lost something there.

"Famine," Bethany repeated.

Peter looked at Nathan, who shrugged, having no idea what they were talking about.

"You've never heard of Famine?" Ben asked incredulously.

"We know what a famine is, but…" Mohinder began.

"No," Bethany interrupted quickly. "Not a what. Famine is a he. It's a person."

"And his name is Famine?" Peter questioned, not believing this could be real.

"Come on, Pete," Nathan said dryly. "You know you've always wanted a cool superhero name."

"Unreal," Peter said, shaking his head and trying hard to suppress a laugh.

"He's very real," Bethany said. "And dangerous. Or he was. Supposedly McKellar killed him, or had him killed; either way, after that he took over."

Nathan looked up as Lauren and Hiro returned into the living room, quietly taking their seats; Hiro nearest the rest of the group and Lauren off in a corner.

"McKellar hates those of us with powers," Ben continued. "He finds us threatening, and with people like Famine and Sylar, it was hard to argue. But his methods…"

"Have either of you seen this firsthand?" D.L. asked uneasily; too aware of what had been suggested earlier, and both Bethany and Rebecca's reaction to it.

"Yeah," Ben provided. "I've seen it. They don't have any way to weed us out of the regular population so they take a wait and see approach. You can turn in your neighbors, if you spot them at it, but if you're wrong and they don't have powers…"

"It's like brain washing," Bethany continued. "There's all this propaganda and false information about what's been done or what will be done; false threats and accusations. The news is very strictly controlled and completely dominated by the Commonwealth. The military is everywhere, in every major city. Smaller towns and communes still exist outside of their control, but they're mostly to the west. It wasn't until the last year or so I was travelling that I'd even seen…"

Bethany trailed off easily, clearly not wanting to say more.

"What…" Claire started to ask, unsure how to phrase it.

"At a certain age all the women in a town are required to register with the Commonwealth office," Ben answered, getting what she needed to hear. "Every town has a magistrate that resides over it, like a mayor I guess, and once a month all the women over a certain age, who aren't already pregnant, are required to come in and… and well, it's like a lottery system among the men in town. The women are still free to live with their families and with their husbands, but they are also required to have a certain number of children. If they don't… Well, there are guidelines but the town's magistrate ultimately has the final say."

"That's repulsive," Claire said, covering her eyes with her hands.

"Birth rates are lower than they were," Ben continued. "And, Bethany was right. There just aren't as many women around these parts, largely because of the Commonwealth. They got out while they could."

"What are the basic guidelines?" Peter asked.

"Women over the age of fifty are exempt," he answered. "As are women who've already had five children. The first time I'd come across a town under magistrate rule was when I'd met Rebecca. The family she was with were claiming her as their own, to bring them up to five. They didn't know who Rebecca's real family was and those things are getting harder to prove. They'd told the magistrate in town she was twelve, because their own, real daughter, was also ten. When I found that out, and that Rebecca was being forced to sign up, I took her out of there."

"At twelve?" D.L. said disbelievingly. "They thought she was twelve and still?"

"She was really only ten and those people knew it," Ben said angrily. "They didn't care as long as it wasn't their daughter."

"Most towns the age is sixteen," Bethany answered. "Some it isn't until the women are twenty-one. But, it varies."

No one spoke for a long time, silently letting the information sink in; the next big threat they knew that they'd eventually have to deal with, but not now. Hiro assured them, again, that the Commonwealth wasn't close enough to be a danger. It was only something they should be aware of and be wary of.

Nathan stayed downstairs, hoping that Lauren might stay as well, as the night went on. He was surprised when, as the room slowly cleared, she didn't leave. Lauren had taken to leaving whenever the first few usually called it a night. Tonight, however, she hung back in the same corner she'd occupied since she'd entered the room, occasionally glancing down at a small book she held in her hands.

Finally, they were alone and Nathan, despite having so much he wanted to say to her, couldn't bring himself to get near enough to try. He stayed focused on his book, uncertain to what he'd even read, but continuing on relentlessly until the sound of footsteps caught his attention.

But, instead of leaving, as he thought she must be doing, Lauren had only moved and taken a seat beside him.

"I wanted to say thank you," Lauren said once he'd met her eyes.

"For what?"

"You don't…" she started, sighing heavily and shaking her head. "Don't pretend, okay? Hiro already told me the truth. He told me you asked him to go by my old house and look for this. You gave him the address off the list… So, thank you."

Nathan looked down with renewed interest at the book she held and smiled faintly. He'd almost forgotten. Hiro had left before their last falling out; he'd thought it would be a nice surprise. Nathan liked to think he'd have asked regardless of their situation, but couldn't be that sure of himself.

"He was able to find something?" he asked quietly.

Lauren smiled and nodded, turning it over in her hands once more.

"Would you like to see?" she asked after considering it for a moment.

She held the book out for him to take. Nathan was sure she'd meant it, but hesitated to begin. Finally, unable to take her gaze, he opened the small photo book and smiled at a picture of a young girl that had become the woman beside him.

"The book was my mother's," Lauren said, leaning in to see it as well. "That's me and my family."

"How old were you there?"

"Oh," she sighed uncertainly. "I think I was fourteen. Lauren was eight and Taylor only six. It's the last formal picture we took before my father died."

"I'm sorry," he said automatically, momentarily forgetting that now everyone in this photo was only a memory for her.

"It's alright," she returned automatically, having probably gotten that response more than once.

Nathan turned the page and caught Lauren's smile widen. There were lots of pictures, mostly family shots of recitals and graduations; lots of them only of the three girls in the family. It all appeared ideal in the way only a photo can.

"That's my mother, again," she said, pointing to one in particular shot. "She remarried about four years later, just after I'd graduated from high school. I gave her too hard of a time about it; Paul wasn't a bad guy. He just wasn't my father."

"Is that you?" Nathan asked, not sure if he was right or not.

"Yeah," Lauren said, clearly embarrassed. "I'm not sure what you'd call that… a phase? I was kind of a brat and, um… the hair and the make-up was my passive resistance to the wedding."

"That would have never flown with my mother," Nathan said, laughing now fondly. "She'd have dragged you out back and washed you up herself. She did actually kick someone out of the church at my own wedding for daring to wear white."

Lauren laughed along with him for a moment before her eyes misted over. "Not my mother. I thought for sure that she'd take one look at me and refuse to let me walk as a bridesmaid. But instead she only smiled and told me I looked beautiful. I felt so stupid."

"You were young," Nathan said defensively, putting his arm around her and pulling her close. "And you were probably pretty angry. No one wants to see a parent replaced."

"I was awful," Lauren said, shaking her head. "Just awful. To her. To Paul. To everyone. They only wanted to help me and the more they tried the harder I pushed them away. It's almost kind of funny."

"What is?" Nathan asked.

"I mean, come on," Lauren shrugged. "I build walls. I have my whole life. I'm much more comfortable keeping people outside than I am ever letting them in, because when I do they either leave me or…"

"They disappoint you," Nathan finished.

"Yeah," she agreed, staring into his eyes. "They do. It's just easier."

"It is easier," he said, bringing his hand to the back of her neck and contemplating his next move.

Lauren tensed up under his touch, shutting the book and setting it aside; her eyes moving away from his uneasily.

"I've never been good with people," Nathan said, stopping first to clear his throat. "I know how to get what I want. I know how to convince and connive and finesse them, but beyond that… beyond that I've always been a bit lost. I was always good at my job, but as a husband I was a disaster. As a father I did better, but only because I wasn't around as much as I should have been. My own father left it to my mother to raise us and I did the same. The things that should have been important to me weren't because I had ambitions, and responsibilities, and plans. My parents had raised me to succeed and that was exactly what I was going to do. No matter the cost."

She took his hand and squeezed it as he paused, collecting his thoughts.

"When this all started," he continued, "when it all first started, I didn't want to believe it could be true. I would have never admitted it was happening if it hadn't been for Peter. Peter is the only person in my life who, no matter how many times I have failed him has never stopped… He's impossible that way. You can't shake him; he just won't let you."

Nathan stopped, studying her face. Looking for what, he didn't know. He only looked. And so she encouraged him with a smile, and that was it. It was decided. Nathan could tell her.

"It had been Peter's idea and I was never comfortable with it," he admitted. "Maybe I didn't like it because it was his idea, and not mine, or maybe because I felt that it wasn't our responsibility. The risk seemed… no, the risk was too great. Not just lives, I was never worried about lives the way I should have been… there were other risks. Exposure and condemnation; that's what worried me most. That's why I delayed and postponed and tried any way I could to get him to see reason, my reason, and… and I put myself out of the way, hoping he wouldn't go through with it and knowing, eventually, he would have to."

He stopped again and shook his head, squeezing her hand this time.

"I wasn't there and I should have been. I'd promised him. If nothing else I promised him I would, but I wasn't. I didn't have to be in D.C. that day, but I chose to and when I found out… when I saw the news I was shocked and I was angry. I'd never been so angry before in my life and it was really my own fault. I should have never left. I should have known my own brother well enough to realize he couldn't back down from this. We're alike that way, if nothing else. When we think we're right, we can't back down. But, instead of blaming myself, I blamed everyone else. It was easier to think it was their fault, that they'd somehow tricked Peter or manipulated him into going after that monster; that they had propped him up and hidden behind him, but I was the one that ran away."

"You couldn't have known that all of this…"

"I knew enough," Nathan interrupted, but not harshly. "I knew what Sylar was and I knew what Peter was capable of. That was enough. It should have been enough to tell me… but I wouldn't hear it. I thought I was right; I knew it. And when I'm right…"

"That's why you went along," Lauren said quietly.

"Yes," Nathan answered, nodding briskly and looking at her hand still wrapped around his. "That's it's exactly. I was right and they were wrong, and someone had to pay. Someone had to be held responsible and when I could finally get back into New York… They'd sent in someone as soon as they could to look for my boys; for my family. Even then it was six months… six months had gone by and neither Heidi nor I thought… They found them, as we'd expected, and they also found a letter. Everyone had been accounted for except Peter. And that was it; that was the proof. After that it was easy to believe what I was told; the lies I was fed. They'd let him sacrifice himself and didn't even bother… I wish I'd never seen that letter."

"Nathan," she started to say, but didn't know how to continue.

"I wasn't lying when I told you that I wouldn't do it again. I wouldn't. If I could, I'd do it all differently," he said sincerely. "But I can't change what's happened. I can't go back… I showed that I had no faith, no confidence in the one person who has always had faith and confidence in me. You think it's funny that you build walls, but I've always felt above it all; detached."

"Do you still feel that way?"

"Sometimes. Sometimes I do and other times… It's easier pretending to be above it all."

"I don't want to spend the rest of my life hiding, Nathan," Lauren said flatly, her emotions just in check. "I don't want to pretend that what I'm feeling isn't real. I don't want to be afraid of telling people how… I've taken too much for granted and if I have learned anything from all of this it's that there's no time to waste. I don't want to waste my time, and I don't think I am."

"Lauren…"

"Am I wasting my time with you?" she asked.

"If I said yes…"

"I wouldn't believe you."

"Because I'm a liar?" he asked.

"Because you're a good liar."

"I am not an easy person to get along with."

"I know that," she said, laughing even as a few tears slid down her face.

"I'm distant and mean. I expect too much. I'm unreasonable and demanding; I am often detached."

"No, you're not," she said, shaking her head. "You pretend to be, but you're not."

"I will disappoint you," he tried instead. "I won't mean to do it, Lauren, but I will. I will disappoint you."

"I've been disappointed before," she argued, wiping her face. "I bounce back pretty well from it."

"I have nothing to offer you."

"I'm not asking for anything."

Nathan smiled at her, and having run out of excuses moved closer and gently pressed his lips to hers; both his hands now moving freely in her hair as she drew closer, deepening their kiss. If she could hear the worst of him, and still be here beside him, then there really wasn't much more he could say.

When they broke apart, she looked up at him with a giddy sort of laugh and said, "I missed that."

"Me too."

"But," Lauren said, pulling back slightly before he could kiss her again, "I meant it… I did mean what I said. I can't just… Nathan, this has to mean something to you. It just can't be about what it's been about."

"Not even a little bit?"

"Maybe a little bit," she said, blushing as he gave her another quick kiss. "I just… I need more than that."

"I can't promise you nightly confessions," Nathan said, becoming more serious, "but I can try. I can certainly try harder than I have been. For you. I can do that for you."

"I don't need you to do anything special," she returned. "I just need you. Don't detach yourself from me and I won't hide myself from you."

"Okay," he said, nodding his head and feeling elated.

"Okay," she said with a smile that Nathan echoed, moving in again to kiss her; stopped only as she turned her head. "But we should probably take this a little slower. You know, to be certain."

"Oh," Nathan said surprised, if not a little disappointed. "If that's what you want. Sure. We can do that."

"Nathan."

"Yes?"

"I'm joking," she said, laughing before kissing him passionately.

"That wasn't really funny," he said back at her, in-between kisses.

"You're jealous you didn't think of it first."

"A little," he admitted, grinning at her mischievously.

"Come on," she said, getting to her feet and tugging on his hand. "You can get back at me upstairs."

"Now this had better not be a joke," he returned, sounding completely serious as he let her lead the way.

"It's not," she smiled, stopping at the top of the stairs as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him again.

"Good," he said, smiling also as they broke a part; his arm tight around her waist as they made it the rest of the way to his room. Hesitating once they were there and fixing her with a much more serious look. "Are you sure that this is what you want? That I'm…"

"I'm sure," she said earnestly.

"I really could end up hurting you," he admitted. "Disappointing you. That wasn't a lie. I'm good at that."

"I'm willing to risk it," Lauren said, still sincere. "I'd rather risk it. I'm tired of being alone. Aren't you?"

"I am. But I have to wonder why you'd want me? Why me?"

"If you don't know already than I can't help you with that," Lauren answered, her tone turning playful.

"I guess that will do," Nathan said, oddly relieved by her sentiment and her unwillingness to divulge it. Neither of them was ready to admit more, and that was fine for now. They both had their problems; their own demons, many of which might never be fully exorcised. But together, none of those problems seemed as big as they had seemed when alone.

It was the first time in a long time that the future felt full of promise. It was the first time that Nathan felt like these feelings and regrets he'd been living with for so long could be overcome. He hadn't been looking for it, or expecting it, but he'd found the way to forgiveness. Nathan found that he could eventually forgive himself, even if he could never forget. That like winter, this too would pass into spring.

**The End**


End file.
